


Saint Valentine's Shenanigans

by OtterlyDeerlightful



Series: Holiday Hullabaloo [3]
Category: LazyTown
Genre: Awkwardness, Bad Ideas, First Dates, Fluff, M/M, Nervousness, Poor Sport is like wut, Robbie needs to calm down, best day ever, these boys I swear, worst day ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-31
Updated: 2018-05-11
Packaged: 2019-03-11 18:56:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 36,612
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13530519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OtterlyDeerlightful/pseuds/OtterlyDeerlightful
Summary: Valentine's Day is coming and Robbie needs to come up with the perfect date for Sportacus. The only problem is, he can't think of anything.





	1. Part I

It had been over a month since The Kiss. Robbie was certain that his brain still hadn’t _entirely_ processed the events of that night. It still felt like it could have been a dream, save for the worn book on his side table and the little plush reindeer nestled in his chair that was currently peeking out from under a blanket. But what, the villain kept wondering day after day, did it all mean?

Sportacus somehow liked him; that much had been obvious since autumn, but this was an entirely different animal. They had kissed. On purpose. But…that was all. They had shared some awkward laughter and brief conversation afterward, and the blue menace had walked—skipped?—him home, but that was all. Since the Christmas party, Robbie had seen the blue kangaroo in person only a handful of times, always while he was tending to the brats and encouraging their bad habits of playtime and eating sportscandy. Back to business as usual.

At least, it _had_ been business as usual, until Robbie Rotten realized how quickly Saint Valentine’s Day was approaching. And with it came a slew of confusing feelings and resulting crises. Primarily, what _were_ they to one another? Not enemies, certainly, but what? They had kissed, yes, but only once. Did that mean something significant? It certainly seemed to, at least in Robbie’s mind. What were the rules for situations like this? Heroes liking villains, villains having silly schoolboy crushes on flippy-floppy heroes...the world must have turned itself upside-down sometime in the past year or so. Good heavens, how had he fallen so far so quickly? Robbie continued to pace back and forth as he tried to piece things together.

“Alright. Sportflop likes you. Heaven knows why, but…” The villain briefly melted at the warm memory of Sportacus’ soft lips against his own before shaking his head. “…but he does.  And despite his _obvious_ flaws, y-you kind of find him, uh,” _Adorable. Sweet. Beautiful. Warm. Patient. Understanding._ “acceptable. But what do I _do_ about it?” Robbie ended with a cry and arms outstretched in dismay.

He spun around and started back the way he had come. “We’re not _dating_. That implies actually going on dates!  I’ve barely seen him since the party!”

Robbie glanced over at the plush reindeer following him with its lopsided button eyes. He grit his teeth and waved an accusing finger in its direction.

“Don’t give me that look! Yes, okay, I _have_ seen him, but… _arg!_ I can’t just waltz up and say ‘Oh, hey, Sportakook, how ‘bout that kiss we shared last month? Well, lots of cake to bake back home, bye!’”

The reindeer listened quietly, yet made no move to pass judgement. Robbie growled at it in frustration.

“The stupid flippy elf is too perfect for his own good! It’s not fair! Passing each other in the park and yelling at those brats to quiet down isn’t a date. I don’t…what if Sportakiss doesn’t even _want_ to go on a date with me?”

He again glanced over at his reindeer. If it had any advice on the matter, it didn’t offer any to the man. Robbie sighed and flopped back into the chair with dramatic flair, throwing his arms into the air as he fell. The villain huffed and pulled the reindeer out from where he had pinned it against the orange shag and squeezed it to his chest.

“You’re right, Peppermint,” he mumbled after a few sour seconds of silence. “That _is_ nonsense. Who _wouldn’t_ want to go on a date with LazyTown’s dashingly handsome number one villain?” He hugged his plush companion again. “So, if Sportasmooch is too busy with the brats to ask me out on a proper date, then I guess I’ll just have to ask _him_!” Robbie suddenly seemed to deflate at the thought. “But asking him means I have to _ask_ him.”

Was there no end to this struggle? Robbie pressed himself into the comfort of his familiar chair. Peppermint quietly comforted the villain from where it sat on his chest. Up above, Robbie could hear the gaggle of little gremlins noisily tromping about as they laughed and played. It was only a matter of time before Sportaswoon flew down to join them. Robbie needed a plan of attack.

 

Nearly two weeks later and Robbie _still_ needed that attack plan.

He was in trouble. One Robbie Rotten was definitely in trouble. The villain wrung his hands as his foot bounced nervously on the floor. Every few minutes he glanced over at the calendar laying across his table, as if in the hopes that he had somehow misread the month, much less the day. The calendar’s offensive giant red heart that surrounded the number fourteen in its snug little box felt like it was burning a hole into the back of his head every time he turned away. Robbie grabbed his reindeer from where it sat next to him for comfort.

“I don’ know what I’m going to do, Peppermint. Why can’t stupid Sportaflop be a _normal_ person who’d be happy with chocolates and a movie?” he lamented. “What am I supposed to do?”

Peppermint said nothing, but at least seemed sympathetic to his plight.

“I can’t get him chocolates! I can’t get him _anything_ food-related for this stupid holiday! We can’t just s-stay in because he’ll be too busy bouncing everywhere. We can’t go out to dinner before—heaven forbid!—he tries to flip three times to pass the _salt_ after lecturing the people at the next table about their unhealthy selections!”

He knew his voice was getting higher and higher with each panicky scenario, but he couldn’t seem to help it.

“We can’t go to the movies because he won’t sit still and we’ll get thrown out. We can’t go dancing because— _yech!_ —dancing! We can’t exactly find some kind of carnival in the middle of a winter cold snap. _Ugh_ , and even if we could, the kangaroo would harass me the entire time about what an _abomination_ candy apples are, much less the funnel cake!”

Robbie moaned and melted back in his chair in utter defeat. After staring at the ceiling for a few minutes, and no input from his plush friend, the villain realized that—as much as he hated to admit it—he couldn’t figure this problem out on his own.

“I need help.”

The man scowled in disgust at his own helplessness and glanced over at his patiently waiting periscope. Even now he could faintly hear the relentless giggles and cries from the children above. This hero was going to be the death of him.


	2. Part II

It hadn’t escaped the hero’s notice that Robbie Rotten had been mysteriously absent recently. Things had been a little confusing since the Christmas party. As wonderful as that night had been, Sportacus more than understood how Robbie might want some time alone after all that had transpired. Although he wanted more than anything to spend more time with the man, Sportacus’ interactions with his villain since that night had been sparse and short, to say the least. I made him worry about what might be going on in Robbie’s head, and the hero would occasionally catch himself doubting his own thoughts. And, as much as he loved them, the children weren’t helping.

“Are you gonna kiss Robbie again?”

“How come Robbie doesn’t play with us anymore?”

“Are you and Robbie boyfriends now?”

“How come Robbie left so fast?”

“Did you two get in a fight or something?”

He couldn’t really answer any of their questions and he could tell they were starting to grow impatient with his redirection to other topics to avoid providing the responses they were so relentlessly seeking. What could he tell them? That he didn’t know if Robbie had decided against the idea of a relationship? That the villain might be avoiding him? That he felt alone and worried…not just for Robbie’s wellbeing, but also his own? For a hero who was always supposed to be ‘the man with the plan,’ Sportacus was feeling rather lost lately.

“It’s all yours, Ziggy!” came a shout from Pixel.

“I got it! I got— _ahh_!”

Sprtacus’ crystal flashed. Lost in his thoughts, it took the man a half second more to react to the alarm. Unfortunately, that was all it took for Ziggy’s knee to collide with the harsh pavement as he fell.

“Ziggy, I’m so sorry!” Sportacus apologized as he knelt by the child’s side. “I should have caught you. Are you alright?”

The little boy’s lip trembled as he sat back and surveyed the damage. His knee was throbbing, as were his palms; he had scraped all of them. Just seeing the grit and blood made Sportacus feel terrible for being so unnecessarily distracted by his own insecurities. That was not how a hero should act, and he knew it. Ziggy whimpered while the hero rubbed circles on his back.

“Don’t worry, Ziggy. It’s not as bad as it looks. We just need to clean it, alright?”

The boy nodded mutely with tears in his eyes.

Sportacus looked up at his ship. “First aid kit!”

He caught the small box at the end of its decent and set to work heling his friend. The other children had begun to gather around them, watching and worrying and offering words of comfort to their youngest member. Ziggy wasn’t blatantly crying, but he was certainly on the verge of it.

Trixie held back a bit from the crowd. As concerned as she was for Ziggy, she had seen just how hard the boy as fallen and if there was any blood…she didn’t really want to see it.

“ _Psst!_ ”

Trixie glanced up at the sound and looked around for the source.

“ _Psst! Over here!_ ” came a whisper from the bushes.

The girl gave the slightly shaky shrubbery a look, but wandered over after a quick glance over her shoulder to make sure no one was watching her. Nope, still too busy with Ziggy. Trixie kicked at the bush.

“Stop that!” the plant whispered angrily.

“What are you doing, Robbie?”

“ _Shhh!_ Keep it down!”

Trixie rolled her eyes and put her hands on her hips. “If this is your plan for the day, it’s a pretty bad one. Even by your standards.

Robbie’s fuming face popped out of the shrub. “ _By my—?!_ ” He growled and quickly ducked back inside before anyone else saw him. The villain did his best to ignore Trixie’s snickering. “ _Arg_ , listen, you little brat—”

“Hey!”

“—I came out here because I… _ugh_ , I n-need your help.”

Trixie was suddenly paying attention. “ _My_ help?” she asked with a mix of suspicion and guarded excitement.  “With what? ‘Cause if you’re gonna turn the sportscandy in everyone’s lunches into _real_ candy…you can count me in!”

The bush shook as it spoke. “I like the enthusiasm, kid, but no. Not today anyway,” Robbie added after a slight pause.

“Then spill it,” Trixie huffed. “I don’t have all day, ya know. I’m a busy girl.”

“Nosy’s more like it,” came a grumble from the shrubbery. Next came a sigh. “Look, as much as I hate to admit it, you…gave some half-decent advice at that party.”

The girl leaned over with a smug look on her face as she batted her eyes at the quaking plant and the disguised villain within. “You mean the party where you _kissed Sportacus_?” she asked with a toothy smile.

“ _Yes that one!_ ” came the flustered reply. “And keep it down! I don’t want Sportakook looking this way!”

The child just rolled her eyes and replaced her hands on her hips. She waited for Robbie to spit out whatever he was so nervous about. She was getting the feeling that it was going to have something to do with Sportacus.

“Look, I…I don’t _like_ the fact that I’m going to a kid for help, but…I need some, and I have to admit— _ugh_ —you didn’t do too bad a job last time.”

“You’re really bad at compliments, Robbie.”

The villain growled in annoyance. “Look, I…it’s just that Va-vaal—” The entire bush shuddered. “— _Valentine’s Day_ is coming up and I don’t know what to do for a date! There, I said it.”

Trixie blinked. She snorted, then giggled. Her hands shot up to cover her mouth to keep herself from laughing outright and glanced back over her shoulder to make sure no one was paying attention to her little outburst. Sportacus was still cleaning and bandaging up poor Ziggy. Good.

“ _Stop laughing!_ ” Robbie hissed, his voice weakly cracking as he begged for some semblance of his dignity to be returned to him. “I’m serious! I…I don’t want to screw this up.”

The sudden downturn in Robbie’s tone recaptured Trixie’s attention. She might be a playful trickster, but even she knew this was a time to be serious; she had seen first-hand how serious—and nervous—Robbie was about this Sportacus business. The girl did her best to recompose herself and squatted down so she and the town villain could hopefully talk more easily without being so out in the open. She could just make out Robbie’s downturned face through the sticks and leaves. Poor guy looked more worried than she had expected. She felt a little bad for laughing at him all of a sudden.

“Well,” Trixie said carefully, “What’d you do on your last date?”

Robbie abruptly looked away and Trixie couldn’t help but notice how suddenly still the foliage of his disguise became. Her eyes widened in surprise.

“But you kissed!” she hissed in shock, remembering only at the last second that she needed to keep her voice down.

“What does that have to do with anything?” Robbie snapped back, his face red and his upper lip slightly twitching as it tried to curl back from his teeth.

“You haven’t taken Sportacus out on a _single_ date since Christmas?” Trixie demanded through her teeth.

The bush appeared to shrug. “It just…didn’t come up,” Robbie mumbled sadly.

Trixie bit her lip, unsure if she should feel worried or angry. She kind of felt like both, if she were being honest. But…it looked like getting mad probably wouldn’t help right now; what she could see of Robbie’s face looked sad enough as it was.

“How come?” the girl asked, trying to keep her voice quiet and tone as even as possible. When Robbie didn’t offer an answer fast enough, Trixie decided to nudge him some more. “It’s obvious Sportacus is crazy about you. And you really like him, so…I don’t get it. I bet he’d be real happy if you asked him on a date.”

“I don’t want to screw it up,” Robbie sighed quietly. “I always…” the bush shuddered as the man inside shook his head. “That’s why I need your help.” Grey eyes locked on the curious girl. “What do I do?”

“What do you do?” Trixie echoed, scrunching her nose at the question. “You mean on a date?”

Robbie rolled his eyes and groaned. “No, on the trapeze. _Of course_ on a date!”

“Okay, okay, calm down,” Trixie moaned as she placed her hands on her hips in annoyance. She hummed to herself a minute as she thought. “I take it you haven’t seen many romance movies?”

“Ew, no. Why?”

“Darn, ‘cause I haven’t either. _Hmm_...well, it’s Sportacus, right? So it’s gotta be something he’d really like so he’ll be totally blown away and you can sweep him off his feet,” the girl mused aloud. “I got it! Take him to a game in some kind of giant stadium! I bet he’d like that. Oh, even better! A rock concert! Aw man, can you imagine Sportacus in a mosh pit?” the girl asked as she was practically bouncing where she crouched.

A wheeze-like whine fluttered out through the leaves. “ _Yech_ …I _can_ ,” Robbie grumbled.

She couldn’t see him too well from where she was, but Trixie could practically _hear_ the disgusted face the villain was making deep within his disguise and she couldn’t stop an unhappy grumble from escaping her own throat.

“Do you love Sportacus?” she demanded.

Robbie probably looked as flustered as he sounded, unable to join the strange sounds he was spitting and sputtering together long enough to create actual words for what felt like forever.

“I don’t—I mean, it’s kind of e-early to make th-that kind of call, don’t you think?” he finally managed.

Trixie threw her arms over her head and let out an exasperated huff. “ _Fine_! Jeez! Do you _like_ Sportacus?” she demanded almost too loudly.

“ _Arg_ , yes! Yes, I like Sportaflip, alright?” Robbie snapped. “Do you think I covered myself with leaves, crawled out here, and voluntarily _talked to you_ for my health?”

“Then you gotta make him happy, you dummy!” Trixie scolded She added a soft kick to the bush for good measure.

“Ow, stop it!”

“Are you gonna take him to a concert or not?”

Robbie grumbled. “Maybe. M-maybe the stupid sports game, at any rate…”

The villain made a face as he imagined such a thing. A sports game would probably be quieter than a concert, at least. And if they were _watching_ a game, Robbie wouldn’t have to be personally active. Heck, Sportaflop might even sit relatively still if he had some kind of team to cheer on. Ooh, and there would be concession stands, too, wouldn’t there? Maybe the brat didn’t have such a bad idea on her hands after all.

“Yes, a game…that’s perfect!”

Trixie folded her arms over her chest and gave the little shrubbery a smug grin.

“Oh, don’t let it go to your head! You’re still a brat. But…but, uh, I think that’s a good call.”

The girl rolled her eyes. That was probably as close to a proper thank you as she was going to get. She could hear some kind of scritchy-scratchy noises from inside the bush like pencil on paper and just shook her head in amusement.

“You’re _welcome_ , Robbie.”

The girl glanced over her shoulder at the rest of the group. Sportacus was helping Ziggy to his feet. Though still a bit sniffly-looking, the little boy looked much more at ease than he had a minute ago.

“Aw man, I gotta go. Good luck, Robbie!” she said quickly before hurrying back to rejoin her group of friends.

“Y-yeah, yeah…you, uh, take care, Tripsy,” the bush mumbled after her.

The villain watched his partner in crime scurry back to the blue elf and his little posse of sportscandy-obsessed followers. Once nothing but an annoyance at best and a trouble-making foe at worst, that little girl had somehow become Robbie’s lifeline when it came to relationships. How on earth had that happened? It might be a little—lot—embarrassing for Robbie to need to look to a little girl for help in such matters, but he had to admit that the kid had some decent ideas. That sporting event idea was right on the money. So much so that Robbie was rather annoyed that he hadn’t thought of it himself.

“It’s the perfect date for someone like Sportaloon,” he said confidently as he slipped his little notebook back into his vest pocket.

Robbie froze. Wait a minute. Yes, taking the sports-obsessed looney to some kind of game _was_ an excellent idea for a date. A date. Any old date.

“B-but is it Valentine’s Day material?” he whispered to himself nervously.

Robbie peeked through his leaves to get a better view of the beautiful kangaroo as he and the children resumed their silly fun and games now that little Ziggy was back on his feet. Sportacus would probably like to attend some sort of game with him, of that Robbie was sure. But…the flip-flopping hero deserved better than just a predictable, run-of-the-mill date idea, especially for Saint Valentine’s Day. Especially for their _first_ date. No, Robbie decided; he had to do better than that.

“And that means… _ugh_.” He grimaced as he watched Sportacus and his disciples play. “I need more ideas.”

Neither Sportacus, nor the children, noticed as a nearby bush scuttled inconspicuously away.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Robbie, stop...


	3. Part III

“Out!”

Pixel groaned and collapsed back into the grass. “Aw man!”

Stephanie offered her friend a hand up. “That was really close! You’re getting faster!”

“Not enough to beat you,” the boy chuckled as he got back to his feet.

“Maybe next time,” the pink-covered girl said with a cheerful smile and a shrug.

“Heh. Yeah, maybe.”

Pixel made his way back to the sideline while Trixie moved to take her place at home plate. After shouting a line of reassurance to the still-dejected gizmo guy, she firmly planted her feet and readied herself.

“Gimme your best shot, Sportacus! I’m ready for ya!” she called with a determined smirk.

The hero chuckled in affectionate amusement as he tossed and spun the kickball in his hands. “Alright,” he announced loudly, letting all the children know that their game was about to resume.

He dug his soles into the grass, narrowing his eyes and meeting Trixie’s all-business gaze. He patted the ball, gave the girl an almost predatory smirk, and slowly pulled the ball back to ready his throw. Across the field, Trixie wiped her hands on her pants, wiggled her fingers in anticipation, and gave the hero a toothy grin to signal she was ready for his attack.

Sportacus gently rolled the ball forward.

Trixie attacked the kickball with fervor, sending the sphere of rubber over Sportacus’ head. She gave a triumphant screech and took off running for first base. With a proud grin, Sportacus placed his hands on his hips as he watched the ball fly toward the outfield.

“Good kick, Trixie!” he called to her as she rounded first base.

The girl didn’t seem to hear him, her thoughts too focused on running while her friends scrambled to retrieve the ball she had so thoroughly destroyed. She was already coming up on second base.

“Hurry up, Ziggy!”

The small portly child hurried on short legs toward third base. Ziggy huffed and puffed as Trixie gained ground behind him.

“I’m trying!” the boy whined, well aware of his larger friend’s footfalls right behind him.

“Go, Ziggy, go!” Pixel shouted from the sidelines where he jumped up and down in excitement.

Sportacus watched the mayhem from where he stood in the center of the field, amused by the entire scene. He had tried to talk the little boy out of playing runner for both teams, but Ziggy had been incredibly resistant to the notion of standing around in the field when all he wanted to do was kick the ball. No doubt the boy was having second thoughts on that decision now.

“Get the ball, Stingy!” Stephanie yelled to her teammate beyond. “Throw it to me and I’ll tag them out!”

“But it’s my—”

“ _Stingy!_ ”

“Right, sorry!” the boy sheepishly yelled over his shoulder while he still chased after the still-rolling kickball. “Next time Trixie’s going to be on _my_ team,” he mumbled to himself as he went.

Stingy reluctantly waded into the bushes, continuing to mutter under his breath about how far his ball was kicked and how Ziggy and Trixie were probably already rounding third base and heading toward home plate. He didn’t want to play kickball in the first place anyway, but no one had wanted to play _his_ game. Just because he picked what they had played for the last two days. _Pfft!_

“There you are,” the boy sighed.

He walked up to the big blue ball, picked it up, and turned to head back to the game.

“Hey…”

Stingy paused. “What was that?”

“Hey, kid. Uh… _Stringy_.”

“It’s _Stingy_!” the boy complained as he spun on his heel to search for the villain he knew must be nearby.

“Whatever.”

Upon hearing the man’s grumblings, the child’s eyes were immediately drawn to a nearby tree. A tree that he could _swear_ looked like it was somehow trying to hide behind another, slightly bigger tree mere inches away from the first. He frowned, squinting at the strangely bunched plants and taking a curious step forward.

A pair of eyes suddenly appeared on the nearer trunk, staring straight at him. Stingy let out a shout and dropped his ball. “R-Robbie Rotten!”

“ _Shh!_ Do you want to call them all over here?” the tree hissed in panicked anger.

Stingy picked up his kickball with slightly shaking hands. “Wh-what are you doing?” he asked as he looked up and down the tree.

Now realizing the second, smaller tree was actually the town villain, Stingy was finally able to recognize Robbie’s arms as the two larger branches as well as the expertly applied paint allowing the man’s face to blend with the rest of his disguise. Really, though, he probably should have guessed the tall plant was a disguise based on the notebook held by one branch and the pencil held by the other.

“I…I need to talk to you,” the disguised man huffed as his eyes continually glancing toward the sports field in paranoia.

Stingy made a face, frowning. “Why?” he asked suspiciously.

Robbie let out a low groan.  Did he really have to go through this embarrassment again? Considering the unwavering look on the possessive boy’s face, Robbie most certainly did. Oh, this stupid holiday was going to be the death of him.

“Look, I…” Robbie growled in frustration at having to repeat his embarrassing dilemma to yet another child. “I need...let’s say, _ideas_ about wh-what to do for a Valentine’s date wi—”

“Presents.”

Robbie blinked and stared down at the suddenly serious-looking boy standing before him. His nose twitched under the child’s gaze.

“Excuse me?”

“I said presents! Buy Sportacus lots and lots of presents! I know that’s what _I_ would want on a date!”

Robbie sighed. “Of _course_ you would,” he mumbled quietly to himself.

“What was that?”

“Uh, _nothing_ ,” the villain replied quickly. “W-well, what _kind_ of presents, then?” Might as well milk the selfish child for all their worth while he was stuck standing here.

“ _Hmm_ …that’s tougher,” Stingy admitted, tapping his foot on the ground. “Well, you can’t give him candy, or chocolate, for that matter…”

Robbie suppressed a groan. “Yes, yes, I’ve already been down that avenue. Think outside the box, won’t you?”

“W-well what about _sports_ candy? Oh, yeah! One of those heart-shaped boxes filled with little sportscandies!”

The villain blinked. That wasn’t a half bad idea. Huh. Who would have thought that the yellow spoiled child would actually come up with something decent? Robbie shrugged as much as his costume would allow as the boy before him continued to ramble on.

“And stuffed animals, too, those are a classic. Everyone likes those. You could get Sportacus one! Oh, and maybe a new pair of goggles. Oh, or a dog! I bet Sportacus would love a dog. Better yet, a horse! He could _ride_ it….ooh, and give us turns on it, too. What about a motorcycle? Or a whole apple orchard all to himself!”

“What about I just buy him the entire country of Iceland while I’m at it?” Robbie interrupted in annoyance.

Stingy seemed to briefly consider the idea. “…That could work.”

Robbie groaned.

“Stingy! Where are ya?”

Both sets of eyes immediately turned toward the sports field.

“Welp, looks like our time together has come to an end! Thanks for stopping by, let’s not do it again. Now shoo,” Robbie hissed, jerking his chin in Stingy’s direction as though the motion would result in some magical bit of wind to blow the brat away.

“So what are you going to get him?”

“None of your business! Get!”

Stingy frowned, but, with another call from his friends about what was taking him so long, the boy decided it might actually be best to return to the kickball game. He started to head back through the bushes but stopped for a moment and turned back to Robbie. The man looked a little distressed while he tried in vain to move his pencil closer to the notebook in his opposite hand. Neither branch seemed to want to budge from its stationary location above his head.

“Hey, Robbie?”

The man looked up.

“You better be good to _my_ hero, okay? Sportacus deserves the best date for Valentine’s Day.”

Robbie just sighed in response.

“And don’t worry, I won’t tell him we talked. It’ll be a surprise.”

With that, Stingy hurried back to his game. From where he hid, Robbie could hear Sportacus and the children asking what had taken him so long to retrieve the ball. After some story about it getting stuck under a log, he could hear the familiar sounds of children squabbling about trying to get Stingy to _let go_ of the kickball so their teams could switch places and continue their game.

Not that he was focusing on what they were saying, though. No, Robbie was a little preoccupied with trying to figure out how to first write down Stinky’s present idea down in his notebook. Once it proved to be a distinct impossibility, the villain’s concerns instead turned to trying to figure out how to get his perfect disguise _off_.

Robbie grunted, squirmed, and tip-toed back and forth in an effort to gain some sort of leverage to lift the dang thing over his head to no avail. He let out a disgruntled sigh before realizing, slowly, that he could suddenly see much more of the clouds overhead than he could a moment ago. Robbie let out a yelp as he realized he was tipping over and immediately tried to throw his weight forward to compensate. Too much. His upper trunk smacked into the real tree he had been hiding behind and Robbie bounced off instantly to topple over with a loud “ _Oomph!_ ” upon impact. Well, that hurt…but it had cracked an apparent weak point in the trunk’s design to allow him to escape, so maybe it was worth it.

“Did you guys hear that?” Sportacus asked from where he still stood on the pitcher’s mound.

“I didn’t hear anything,” Stingy replied as he readied himself at home plate. “Come on, Sportacus, it’s _my_ turn!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm...hoping to get this done on time. I'm rather busy this week, so I'm scrambling to squeeze in writing time where I can. If I'm a little late and don't get the end out by Valentine's Day, I'm sorry...but I'll do my best!


	4. Part IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, definitely not gonna be finished on time, but...oh well. I was at a convention and didn't write a word for, like, 4 days. So...oops? XD

“Bye, guys!”

“Good night!”

“See you tomorrow!”

With the game over and everyone starting to head home for dinner, Sportacus realized he was left to cleanup the aftermath of their fun. He was glad to see that not only had everyone had enjoyed playing flag football, especially since Stingy had found a sport where his possessive impulses were actually advantageous to his team. In fact, he was pretty sure that the child had probably snuck a few of the flags home with him. The boy _was_ improving his ability to share with others, but he still had a long way to go.

Hearing the gentle rustling of sneakers on grass behind him, Sportacus turned around. Pixel trotted up to the town hero and offered the man his blue football and all of the strips of fabric the child had been able to find on the field.

“Here you go, Sportacus,” he said helpfully. “Sorry if I missed a few. I thought we’d started with more than that…”

“Thank you so much, Pixel!” Sportacus praised with a proud smile. “It was very nice of you to pick up everything for me. Did you have fun today?”

“Yeah, a lot! I almost forgot how cold it was out here for a while,” Pixel chuckled as he pulled a small bag from his pocket, seemingly for no reason.

Sportacus smiled in amusement. “Well, I’m glad that you had fun.” He tilted his head. “What is that?”

“Huh?” the child looked at the small item in his hand. “Oh! This is a hand warmer!” He dug a second bag out of his opposite pocket. “They started to cool down, so I took it back out. Once they hit the cold air, there’s a chemical reaction inside and they start to heat up! I keep them in my pockets to warm up my hands if they get too cold. See?”

The boy held out the tiny bags and Sportacus gently took one to inspect it.

“Wow, you’re right! It’s getting hotter even while I’m holding it!” the man exclaimed in wonder. “These are great, Pixel! You should tell the others about them. I bet everyone will want some.”

Pixel laughed while Sportacus handed the hand warmer back to him. “Especially Stingy.”

Sportacus didn’t give a verbal comment on the matter, but he did give a small shrug and a half smile.

“Well, as warm as your hands are, you should get home so you have a chance to warm up the rest of you before dinnertime. I think it’s supposed to snow tonight or tomorrow.”

Pixel dropped his hand warmers back into his pockets and pulled up his coat sleeve to take a look at the computer screen on his wrist for a few seconds. “Yup, looks like sometime late tomorrow! But it’s supposed to be plenty cold tonight, too.”

“More than enough reason to head indoors,” Sportacus pointed out.

“If it’s not too cold, maybe we can play again tomorrow!” Pixel chimed.

The hero laughed and nodded enthusiastically. “You bet! I’ll see you later, Pixel.”

“Good night, Sportacus. Stay warm.”

“I will,” the man affirmed with an affectionate pat of his _RR_ -crafted coat sleeve before tucking the football under his arm and heading up the waiting ladder to his airship home.

Pixel shivered as he watched the hero ascend and decided that was probably his cue to head home. The boy turned around and headed down the street in quiet contentment, his mind replaying the fun he had with his friends for the afternoon. Those pleasant thoughts were only interrupted by an unwelcome gust of frigid aid that caught him off-guard and made him hug his coat all the closer to his chest.

“ _Brrr_ ,” the gizmo guy hummed with a tremble as he passed by the mailbox. “Man, this cold snap is _bad_ ,” Pixel mumbled to himself, digging his hands into his warm pockets.

“Aw come on, _work_!”

Pixel gave a brief pause.

“Stupid, useless thing. Must be frozen,” the voice grumbled from somewhere nearby.

“Hello?” Pixel called, looking around for the familiar voice’s owner. “Is someone there?”

Three was a stuttering sort of sound from somewhere behind him, and Pixel turned around to face the mystery whisperer. His eyes scanned the pathway for any signs of life, but found nothing. What was going on? A soft metallic thump emanating from the mailbox offered the beginnings of an answer.

“Oh no,” the deep voice whispered in horrified realization.

There was another thump, then a short series of thumps that were immediately followed by a slight, yet desperate, rattling sound.

“Open up! _Open up_! I don’t want to end up a freezcicle, open up!” the hidden man cried. “Kid! Hey, kid, are you there? Please still be there…”

“Robbie?” Pixel asked cautiously as he walked up to the mailbox. “Is that you?”

Inside, the boy could hear a clear sigh of relief.

“Pixel, thank heavens.”

Wow. The villain must really be freaking out in there if he was using the boy’s _actual_ name.

“Are you okay, Robbie?”

“I’m stuck.” There was a thump as something rapped up against the metal. “The slot’s frozen shut!”

“Oh no!” Pixel was already typing away at his computer to figure out a solution. “Don’t worry, Robbie. I’ll get that fixed in a jiffy!”

Another sigh of relief met his ears.

“Hmm…we just need something warm to clear away the bits of ice around the edges,” he concluded confidently. “If I had some warm water this wouldn’t be a problem. Oh, wait! I can take care of this.” The boy dipped his hands into his pockets to retrieve his hand warmers. “Ouch! Almost _too_ hot,” he said with a satisfactory smile. “Perfect.”

“What are you doing out there?”

“Getting you out. Don’t worry,” Pixel replied as he carefully rubbed his hand warmers around the edges of the mail slot.

The heat, friction, and pressure quickly began to pay off and Pixel could feel the immediate areas where he was rubbing beginning to warm up.

“See if that works,” he said after taking a step back.

Though the hinges still tried their best to resist, the mail box slow slowly lifted to reveal a pair of very relieved grey eyes behind the long fingers holding onto the metal sheet. Pixel smiled brightly at the triumph.

“ _Bingo_! Hi, Robbie!”

“…Hi.”

“So, uh, why are you in there in the first place?” the boy asked curiously. “Call me crazy, but I don’t think a freezing metal mailbox is the best place to hide on a day like this.”

The villain groaned and rolled his eyes. Pixel could just see the man’s sneer from where he stood.

“ _Well_ ,” the villain began as he shot Pixel a surprisingly dangerous look for being stuck inside a mailbox, “I _had_ planned on distracting you with _that_ stupid remote-controlled car over there—”

Pixel looked to where Robbie was pointing through the slot. In the bushes some ways off he could see a large purple toy truck with some kind of screen mounted on top of it and a gaming controller nestled by its side.

“—but the stupid thing must be too cold to work right or something! It was _supposed_ to get you away from the group so I could talk to you, but you never got close enough to notice the stupid thing,” Robbie continued to grumble.

“Me? Why me?”

“This again,” he could hear the man whining quietly to himself.

Ah.

“Wait,” Pixel said as a smug smile began to take up residence on his lips. “You weren’t gonna ask me about _dating ideas for Sportacus_ , were you?” he asked.

The rustling sounds from inside the mailbox ceased as Robbie froze in place for a moment from sheer surprise. He turned his head sharply, his eyes looking the boy up and down the best that they could from his limited field of vision.

“What—h-how did you…?”

Pixel just shrugged, smile still firmly on his face. “Call it a lucky guess.”

The villain squinted at the brat, eyeing Pixel suspiciously.

“Right…well, then,” he said slowly, “If you’re so smart that you know everything, what should I do, huh?”

“Play games, of course! There’re some new ones that just came out that are super cool! Top of the line, totally realistic, and—”

The boy watched Robbie’s eyes roll as he spoke. “Look, kid, I don’t know if you’ve _noticed_ , but the bouncing blue elf doesn’t exactly go for _your_ type of games. He spends his day—”

“No, no, _listen_!” Pixel insisted, holding up his hands.

Robbie shut his mouth for a moment and the boy quickly pulled up some information on his computer. He angled his arm as best as he could so Robbie could see the pictures. The man blinked, squinting at the small screen to take in the information.

“It’s a headset! You and Sportacus can both have one, and you can play games on it and feel like you’re really there! It’s called virtual reality. It’s super cool and I think you’d both really like it. You can play baseball without doing anything!”

“Without doing _anything_?” Robbie questioned.

Pixel nodded enthusiastically. “Yeah.”

The mail slot suddenly dropped closed while Robbie started scribbling some more notes about this ‘virtual reality’ idea. He could hear the brat outside sighing, probably shaking his head along with it, but oh well. The man couldn’t let himself forget this one. Sportacus would get to play his precious sports and Robbie wouldn’t have to get up from his comfy chair; it was a great idea as far as he was concerned! He just needed the specifics on the miracle units themselves. No doubt he could improve upon whatever programing the ones on the market were saddled with. Robbie pushed the mail slot open again.

“Anything else?” he asked maybe too roughly.

Pixel thought to himself for a moment, then shrugged. “I dunno. VR sounds like a great way to fill a date for me. Don’t you think?”

Robbie was tempted to agree.

“Well, th-tha…uh…” Robbie twitched his nose as the boy sat waiting. “I _appreciate_ your contribution,” he offered.

“Okay, Robbie. Well, if that’s all, I should be getting home. It’s starting to get late. Se ya around!”

The boy started off on his path again. He only made it a few feet before a frantic “Wait! Wait!” caused him to pause and backtrack.

“What’s up?”

Robbie’s eyes drifted downward in shame.

“Well, uh, I do have _one_ more problem you, uh…might be able to help me with,” the villain admitted reluctantly.

“Oh? What’s that?”

“Uh, well…” Robbie visibly squirmed from shame as he mustered his courage while simultaneously trying his best to suppress his pride. “I’m…still stuck in here.”

Pixel’s eyes widened with the realization. “Oh! Heh, yeah…shoulda realized that.” The boy gave the mailbox a quick glance on all sides before coming back around to the front. “With enough warm water I should be able to get you out. The ice isn’t that bad. Wait right here and I’ll go get a thermos or something.

“Oh, w-wait! Hang on…”

There was a bit of clanking and shuffling inside the mailbox before a thermos was pushed out through the mail slot. It was soon joined by another, and another.

“H-how many of those do you have in there?” Pixel asked in amazement, as the pile just seemed to keep growing in spite of the mailbox’s small size.

“Well I didn’t know how long I’d be in here, so I came prepared!” Robbie protested as the last thermos dropped onto the pile below. “You can never have enough cocoa on hand in winter.”

“I…guess not,” Pixel said in obvious disbelief. “Uh…right, so…” He started gathering up as many of the empty thermoses as he could carry. “I’ll be back in a jiffy, Robbie, don’t worry!”

Robbie watched the child hurry away. He chewed on his lip for a second before calling out after him. “A-and hurry it up, would you? I…I have to go to the bathroom!”

Alone again, the villain contemplated retracting his previous statement. Maybe one _could_ have too much cocoa. He hoped Pixel would be back soon.


	5. Part V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're not even to the actual DATE yet! But hey, this makes the magic last longer...right?

Robbie was running out of time, especially with how much he still needed to plan for The Big Day. It would be difficult, but he knew he’d be able to manage it if he worked hard enough. He was Robbie Rotten, after all—Villain Number One! But that didn’t mean he could stop himself from fretting over the squeeze in his schedule so easily. He still needed more input to craft the perfect First Saint Valentine’s Day Date with Sportacus and, if he had come this far, he might as well go all the way. Besides, it was always better to have extra resources to work with than too few.

Which brought him to where he was now.

“I can’t believe I’m asking a toddler for dating advice,” he hissed to himself as he waited impatiently.

Ziggy wasn’t a _toddler_ , per say, but he _was_ one of the youngest kids in LazyTown. And that was pretty much the same thing anyway. At least in this case. _Especially_ in this case. Robbie sat and pouted. He was bored and shivering, but at least it wasn’t as cold out today as it was yesterday. Maybe the demonic cold snap was finally ending.

“Of all the days for the pipsqueak to stay at home,” he complained to himself. “The _one_ time I need him to—oh, wait, yes!”

Robbie quieted immediately when Ziggy’s front door opened.

“Bye, Mom! I’m gonna go play—be back for dinner!”

The little boy hopped down his front steps and started off toward the sports park.

“No, no, come back here!” Robbie hissed under his breath as he tip-toed toward the boy’s path, desperate to catch the brat’s attention.

Ziggy slowed down all of a sudden and Robbie froze. The child looked around, sniffing at the air.

“Yes, yes, just…turn this way…”

Ziggy looked over his shoulder and gasped in delighted surprise. “Cookies?”

The boy ran toward the small table sitting in the middle of the sidewalk without a second thought as to how strange the situation actually looked. He gasped in wonder at the colorful selection of cookies, brownies, and candies set out before him. A small card stood nearby, as if acting as a special reservation for a guest of honor. The boy decided to practice his reading to see what it said.

“F-for Zig-gy,” he read slowly before giving a loud gasp. “For Ziggy? That’s me! I’m Ziggy!” he cried in elation. “Oh boy, these are for me?”

Good thing the brat never questioned things very much.

Ziggy reached out a hand for one of the gloriously colorful frosted cookies arranged on the table’s shining white platter. He licked his lips in anticipation of its sugary sweetness on his tongue. Mere moments before his squat fingers reached their tantalizing goal, though, Ziggy pulled back with a startled shout as the platter and its delicacies abruptly shot into the air. The boy covered his eyes for a long second, waiting for the desserts to rain down around him.

“Zoggy.”

“Huh?” Ziggy peeked cautiously between his fingers to see what was happening.

Robbie’s head stuck out from the middle of the table. He wore the center platter as an odd-looking hat, complete with a strap that hooked under his chin to make sure the display kept steady. Even so, the villain moved as little as possible in order to ensure the survival of the sugary treats he was balancing. Ziggy stared up at the man in confused awe.

“Robbie Rotten!”

The villain rolled his eyes. He opened his mouth to reply, but his witty retort never made it beyond his lips thanks to the child continuing to talk at him.

“Oh! Oh, does that mean it’s my turn?” Ziggy asked excitedly as he began to bounce on his heels.

Robbie blinked a few times. “ _Your_ turn?”

“Yeah! To give you ideas for your date with Sportacus!”

Robbie’s eyes bulged. It took him a moment to gather his thoughts. “Wh-what?”

“You know, like Stingy and Trixie. Oh, and Pixel, too! He said he talked with you, too!”

The villain’s eyes narrowed as his lip twitched and showed flashes of the teeth behind it. No _wonder_ the gizmo brat had looked so darn smug the other day! Oh, someone was going to get it.

“Robbie?” the brat asked, tilting his head. “Are you okay?”

“ _Who! Who told?_ ” Robbie demanded, startling the boy back a step. “It’s supposed to be a secret! And you’re all out there _blabbing_ to one another?” The man’s anger suddenly melted away to be replaced by slack-jawed terror. “Oh no…You haven’t told the blue kangaroo, have you?” he asked in a voice that was easily an octave above his usual range.

Ziggy looked appalled at the idea. “ _No!_ ” he cried quickly with both hands flying up in defense. “We _can’t_ tell Sportacus! That would be awful! It would spoil the surprise!”

Robbie growled.

“Stingy said you talked to him, and then Trixie said you talked to her first. You _were_ gonna ask if I had any ideas, right? Y-you weren’t gonna leave me out?”

Oh great. The stupid brats all compromise their pacts of secrecy and yet _he_ had to comfort the sticky-handed candy child about it. Typical. Whatever. At this point, Robbie just wanted to get this encounter over with.

“Of course I was going to ask you,” he spat in annoyance. “You think I just sat out here in the cold dressed as a dessert table for my health?”

Ziggy giggled. “You don’t do _anything_ for your health, Robbie!”

“ _Ugh_ , whatever. Do you have any ideas or not?”

The boy hummed to himself, tapping his chin as he thought about it. Robbie sighed. Of _course_ Ziggy would be so eager to have ‘his turn’ at offering advice and forget to think up anything beforehand. Why was he asking a group of children for dating advice again? Had his life really grown this pathetic?

“Well, what about a party?”

Robbie raised an eyebrow.

“Yeah!” the small boy continued as he began to grow excited over his own idea. “A big party full of cake and candy and ice cream! L-like a birthday party, only for Valentine’s Day!”

As appealing as the idea was to _Robbie_ , the villain knew that idea was completely out of the question. For obvious reasons. Why oh _why_ was he here? He sighed and gave Ziggy a silent look. It took the boy a few seconds to realize why the man was giving him such a hard stare.

“Oh…oh wait.” Ziggy blushed. “Oh yeah, _Sportacus_ ,” he mumbled in embarrassment.

“Okay,” Robbie groaned. “This is pointless.” He turned to leave with a grumble.

“No, wait!”

He looked back at the desperate-faced child that shuffled toward him.

“Wh-what about an apple?”

Robbie’s shoulders fell, the rest of the tabletop dropping a few inches with them. “Give Sportaflop an apple. Real original,” he grumbled partially to himself.

“No, not for him!”

The villain raised an eyebrow of intrigue. “…Then for who?”

“You!”

“M-me?” Robbie asked in shock and disgust. “Look, Zippy, I know you want to help, but—”

“No, no, really! If you ate an apple I bet Sportacus would be _super_ happy! For him that’d be even better than getting candy and stuff, right? Besides, when you go on a date you’re supposed to eat food, right? That’s what they always seem to be doing in all my mom’s movies.”

Robbie grimaced. He wanted to deny it. He _really_ did. But…Robbie couldn’t help but admit that yes, the stupidly handsome flippy hero would probably dance around doing cartwheels if Robbie ate an entire apple in front of him. Sportacus had been not-so-subtly hinting that the villain should eat healthier since he had arrived in LazyTown, after all. And heck, Robbie really _couldn’t_ argue with the fact that going out to eat tended to go hand-in-hand with taking someone out on a date. But did the hero have to have such _horrible_ taste in food? Robbie begrudgingly pulled his notebook out from under the tablecloth and began scribbling.

He must _really_ be a big softie…the awful, disgusting, absolutely atrocious things Robbie was apparently willing to do for the sake of love. _Yech!_

Robbie looked up to see that Ziggy now had his chubby hands planted on his hips. The boy tapped his foot as he stared at the ground, clearly thinking. Oh no. Thinking meant that the brat might come up with even more horrible ideas like…eating a pear, too, or something.

“Well, I think that’s about it,” Robbie said quickly. “Must be off now! I’m a busy man, after all. Toodi-loo, Zompy.”

“ _Ziggy_! W-wait, you’re leaving?”

“Love to stay and chat and all, but, uh, those inventions won’t build themselves, so I think I’ll just…”

The table, with Robbie’s head still sticking out of the top of it, scurried away as quickly as possible. Ziggy blinked where he still stood, wondering what the hasty getaway was about all about. He must he off to get a bunch of apples for his date. Too bad Ziggy hadn’t been able to offer Robbie more date ideas. Oh well. The boy shrugged to himself and resumed his original path toward the sports park.

“Hey, wait a minute!” he cried in sudden dismay. “I never got any of my cookies!”


	6. Part VI

Was nothing sacred anymore?

Robbie stalked toward the sports park. He could already hear the gaggle of children screaming and playing. Didn’t they know it was freezing cold out? It was _February_ for crying out loud! Couldn’t they just stay inside for once?

“Insane. They’re all insane,” he grumbled as approached their little game.

A few of the little heads turned in his direction upon his arrival.

“ _Robbie Rotten!_ ”

“Oh, so astute!” the villain moaned as he walked, arms swinging and shoulders hunched with a mixture of annoyance and determination.

Sportacus paused in his steps with the appearance of the tall man, his basketball forgotten as it rolled away from him toward a small mound of snow. Robbie made the fatal mistake of glancing in the hero’s direction. Immediately he tripped over his own feet at the sight of the smiling man. Luckily, he caught himself in time to avoid face-planting on the frigid pavement.

The elf was wearing his coat. A nervous chill ran down his spine as he tried to keep his composure at seeing the familiar article of clothing. Sportacus had actually been using his Christmas present. Robbie did his best to keep his smiling and blushing to a minimum. He was here on _business_ , after all. Even if _Sportacus_ was that business, he still had a mission to adhere to.

Even so, he couldn’t help but sneak at least _one more_ peek at the wonderful hero. Robbie swallowed and allowed his eyes to flicker over to where Sportacus still stood. He found the man’s radiant blue eyes immediately, but was taken aback at the sheer amount of relief that rested within them. It made Robbie worried, though he couldn’t pinpoint the exact reason. Why was Sportacus looking at him like that? Was something wrong? Or, _had_ something been wrong…because judging by the hero’s face now, whatever had been hanging over the elf’s head had been miraculously lifted. Maybe he should ask about it.

No. No, no, he couldn’t get distracted now—he was so close!

Robbie awkwardly cleared his throat and gave his vest a small tug where he stood. “I need the pink girl.”

Sportacus, who had been walking to meet his villain, paused. He blinked and looked at the kids before turning back to Robbie in curious confusion. “Stephanie?”

Robbie waved his hand at the girl, seemingly ignoring Sportacus altogether. “Pinky, come here.”

The girl gave a quick glance to all of her friends before looking over at Sportacus and giving him an apologetic shrug. She closed the few feet between them and looked up at Robbie’s scowling face. “What is it, Robbie?”

He sneered down at her. “What indeed,” he grumbled as what looked like a yellow circle fell through his field of vision.

Stephanie let out a yelp of surprise, but managed to catch the fallen object. Robbie made a face when he realized that it was one of his cookies. How had that gotten…? The girl let out a “whoa!” and caught another cookie, this one a bright blue, that fell soon after the first.

“Robbie,” she asked, “Um…why are you wearing that on your head?”

“On my…what?” he asked, trying to look up.

“ _Nooo!_ ” Ziggy cried as he thrust himself forward.

The boy leaped, arms outstretched. Robbie instinctively jumped away as the boy came flying at him. The villain watched as the child hit the cold ground just in time to snatch a number of brightly colored cookies from the air. Ziggy held his prizes to his chest in awed disbelief at his own rescue. Trixie began to clap from where she stood on the sidelines.

Robbie groaned with realization and moved to untie the strap that was still securely under his chin. Leave it to him to forget to take that stupid cookie platter hat off his head. As if he didn’t feel enough like a fool already. _Ugh_. Well, if this didn’t prove that he was so upset he couldn’t think straight, nothing would. He ripped the partial disguise off his head and tossed it to the ground.

“Come on, Pinky. We need to talk,” he growled.

Robbie firmly but gently grabbed the girl’s arm and began to lead her away from the group of spectators and the relieved Ziggy.

“Is this what I think it’s about?” Stephanie ventured once she judged that they were far enough away.

“Oh, I _wonder_!” the man snapped as he released his grip and spun around to face the child. “I guess I don’t have to go through any _explanations_ since you brats have all been discussing every intimate detail with each other!”

The girl blinked. “What?”

“No one was supposed to say anything!” Robbie nearly shrieked at her.

“Oh…uh… _that_ ,” she mumbled guiltily, suddenly unable to lift her heavy head enough to make eye contact with the villain. “We didn’t mean to upset you. Everyone was just really excited.”

Robbie blinked. He bit his lip and frowned. “Excited?”

Hearing the confusion in his voice, Stephanie slowly found enough strength to look up. “Well, yeah.”

The pair stared at one another for a few seconds in silence. Stephanie raised an eyebrow and Robbie scrunched his together.

“Excited about _what_?”

The girl blinked in disbelief, her mouth all but hanging open at hearing such an absurd question.

“About what?” she echoed. “About your date with Sportacus!”

The man twitched his nose as he tried to think of a response to that. He was suddenly drawing a blank for some reason. Luckily Pinky was happy to keep talking.

“When Trixie said you two hadn’t even been on your first date yet everyone was so…shocked! I’m pretty sure Stingy almost fainted, come to think of it.” She shook her head. “Anyway, we’re all so excited you’re gonna finally ask him out! You two _belong_ together, Robbie! You should _see_ how Sportacus looks when he talks about you. And I think he’s been missing you a lot lately, too. Going on a date with you for Valentine’s Day is gonna make him so happy!”

This was not how Robbie had expected this conversation to go.

“Y-you really think so?” he heard himself squeak.

“I _know_ so!” the girl cried excitedly. “What’ve you got planned so far?”

“I, uh, well…” The villain shook his head, flustered as he searched his vest pocket for his little notebook. “Nothing _too_ concrete yet. Mostly just some generalized ideas, but, uh, I think it’s finally starting to come together.” He flipped through his notebook to review what he had so far, giving a nod every now and again. “B-but I think I’m still missing something.”

Stephanie’s excited smile began to drop into a frown. “Like what?”

“I just…” Robbie sighed, his anger and attitude entirely gone and, instead, replaced by worry and longing. “I need this date to be perfect. It’s Valentine’s Day. And our first date. And…and I want…need him to have a good time. I d-don’t really want to think about how things might end up if he doesn’t,” Robbie finally admitted. “This is my only chance at a good first impression. At least as far as relationships go.” He knew his ship for a truly good _first_ first impression had long since sailed. “I need this to be good and…and I know I’m missing something to tie it all together.” He gave a rough sigh, a puff of white air enveloping his nose as the warm air hit cold. “I can’t screw this up, Stephanie.”

He tucked away his notebook.

The girl looked up at her friend with sympathy. She took Robbie’s long fingers with her gloved hand and gave them a gentle squeeze. He gave her a small smile and squeezed back in thanks. For a brat, the pink-obsessed child wasn’t actually too bad. All things considered, anyway.

“You won’t screw it up, Robbie. Sportacus will be happy no matter what you two do together!”

“That sounds good on paper,” the villain bemoaned, “But in practice things get…messy.”

“Well, there’s always a way. We just have to think of something you both might like.”

Robbie let out a tired sigh at the mere thought of such an impossible task.

Stephanie withdrew her hand to tap on her chin as she strolled back and forth to think. “Hmmm” she hummed to herself as her young mind wandered. “Let’s see. What would I do if I went on a date with Sportacus?” the girl mused aloud.

Robbie leaned against a building with a huff as he watched the pink pixie brainstorm. He once again got the feeling that this whole thing was probably a stupid idea, but he began to wonder if that was just his self-doubt talking. Stephanie knew the bouncy hero probably better than anyone, after all. Why hadn’t he started with _her_ for dating advice? Clearly, her being eight—Nine? Ten? How old was she these days?—wasn’t the main factor, considering he had asked the rest of the brats already. Get your head together, Robbie.

“Well _I’d_ probably take him out dancing,” the girl continued to mumble aloud, “But I don’t think that’s the best idea for you two.”

Thank heavens. Robbie really didn’t want to go out to some noisy club to watch Sportacus dance around and drag him along for the ride. In public. After everything else he was planning. Good heavens, he was exhausted just thinking of the possibility.

A brisk wind cut through the town rather abruptly, causing the villainous man to shiver and rub his arms.

Stephanie snapped her fingers. “I’ve got it!”

Robbie jumped to attention. “Got it? Got what?” he asked, unable to hide his excited curiosity. “What have we got?”

“Ice skating!”

Robbie stared at her. Stephanie gave him a triumphant smile.

“…That’s it?”

“What do you mean _that’s it_?” she asked the man with a frown. “It’s perfect! All this cold froze the pond over, like, a week ago. Sportacus gets to move around. And, if you don’t want to, you barely have to move at all! You can glide,” she explained, demonstrating the pose for a visual aid, “Or ask Sportacus to pull you around the ice instead, or, if you get really into it, you can do figure eights and stuff with him! It’d be so romantic! It’s perfect, Robbie!”

“Perfect, you say,” he mumbled as he tapped his chin thoughtfully.

Well, she _did_ know what Sportacus liked, and _he_ liked the idea of being able to indulge the elf with minimal physical investment for himself. And it _had_ been incredibly cold lately, though at least today had been a little more welcoming. Maybe ice skating wasn’t as awful as it seemed to be on the surface.

Robbie reached back into his vest pocket and dug out his notebook. His young companion frowned curiously at the sight of it. He flipped a few pages before taking out his pencil to scribble things down.

“Uh, Robbie…are you taking notes?”

“Of course I am. I’m a genius, sure, but that just means my brain has a lot more going on at any given time, and it helps to have things written down.”

“No, um, I mean…have you been taking _a lot_ of notes?” Stephanie asked worriedly. “Like, on _everything_ everyone has been saying?”

“Of course. Genius. Lots going on in there. I _just_ told you. Pay attention.”

“N-no, I mean…” She bit her lip as she watched the man look over his notes. “Um…m-maybe ice skating isn’t the best idea,” Stephanie suddenly said with a nervous quiver in her voice. Whatever you already have is probably fine. Less is more, right?” she asked with an awkward laugh.

“Nonsense. You should always trust your first instinct, Pinky,” Robbie huffed as he flipped to a new page and started to diagram things for himself.

The girl nibbled on her lip for a moment, mulling over what she should say. “Wh-what was _your_ first instinct for what you should do on your date?” she ventured.

Robbie’s pencil paused for a few seconds. He shook his head and resumed writing. “D-didn’t have any,” he said a little too quickly. “If I did, I wouldn’t be out here freezing my behind off day in and day out to talk to you brats.”

Stephanie’s shoulders slumped. She gave a loud sigh and rolled her eyes. “ _Robbie_ , getting ideas is one thing, but…but that looks like a lot of notes, and whatever your first idea was, I’m sure Sportacus would love—”

“I think I’m set!” the villain announced, not giving any clue that he was listening to the girl. “Thanks for the input, Pinky, I think I’ve got everything set now!”

“But, Robbie—”

The man scribbled something down on another new page of his notebook before ripping the page out, shoving the pencil and parent book back into his vest, and walking away from Stephanie entirely. She let out a groan and chased after her friend who was heading back toward the sports park.

This was it. He was doing this.

Robbie tried his best to control his breathing as he approached the park. Sportacus had his back to him and he seemed to be talking to the children. There was still time to run. But, no, Robbie couldn’t do that. He was in too deep for that now.  Besides, he wanted this. He wanted to go on a date with the bouncing blue kangaroo. The villain still wasn’t sure when his mind had started the switch to that track from his initial goal of running the elf out of LazyTown permanently, but…somewhere along the line, the short blue man with the world’s most sincere smile had won him over. What’s more, Sportacus—for whatever ungodly reason—seemed to feel the same, for which Robbie was forever grateful. Also a little confused as to the why. But that was a topic for another time.

Robbie took a deep breath and held it. He could do this.

“Robbie, wait up!” called a young voice from somewhere behind him.

The man let his breath out in a ragged huff.

Sportacus looked up at the sound of his friend’s voice, but grew still when he saw Robbie first. A bright smile spread across the hero’s face as he stood from where he was crouching in front of the cookie-enjoying Ziggy. Oh God. Oh God he was walking this way.

“You can do, this, Robbie. You can do this. It’s just Sportacus. Just a stupid flippy elf who can’t flirt like a normal person if his life depended on it. How’s that intimidating? You can do this.”

“ _Robbie—”_

The sound of the hero’s soft voice melted his resolve like butter and Robbie suddenly found himself unable to speak properly. Thank heavens Robbie was enough of a genius to have some foresight in case this very scenario came to pass.

“I am glad to see you,” the elf continued, apparently oblivious to how quickly Robbie’s spine had suddenly turned into rebar. Sportacus’ cheeks were a bit pink as he spoke, and his eyes kept glancing off to the side at odd intervals rather than staying trained on Robbie’s face. “I was beginning to wonder if…I mean, I hadn’t seen you around town in a while now, and I was...well, I was hoping I might run into you.”

Sportacus’ words were barely registering in his mind. The man was talking, that much Robbie could tell, but he didn’t understand what about. Was the elf talking about _him_? Why?

“Y-you see, it’s February,” Sportacus said as he rubbed his hands together to keep them from trembling too terribly. “And, since I became a hero, I’ve seen people that celebrate—”

“ _Here!_ ” Robbie shouted, his right arm springing up and thrusting the folded piece of notebook paper in Sportacus’ face.

The hero blinked in utter surprise, his words lost as he tried to cross his eyes to see what was in front of him. He tenderly took the paper from the villain’s hands. Robbie swallowed, his nose twitched, and his fists now shook at his sides.

“B-be at the mailbox at—at nine o’clock sharp!” he snapped a little gruffly. “Don’t be late or I’m going home! I mean it!”

Sportacus blinked, looking down at the scribbled note in his hands. A wide smile quickly enveloped most of his face.

> _Sportaflop—_
> 
> _I’m taking you on a date for Saint Valentine’s Day, so don’t schedule anything. Don’t wear anything stupid. Or a suit. This date isn’t optional, so you’d better show up._
> 
> _—R. R._

The hero looked up again after reading. “Nine o’clock?”

Robbie nodded stiffly.

“Okay!” Sportacus responded cheerfully. “It’s…it’s a date!”

A date.

Oh by the gods it _was_ , wasn’t it? He, Robbie Rotten, had just asked perfect flippy Sportacus on a date. For Valentine’s Day. A small, but goofy smile made his villainous lips wiggle.

“R-right then!” Robbie tugged at his vest to give his poor nervous hands something to do. “Y-you all b-better keep it down up here!” he warned, trying his best to sound as intimidating as possible in his current state.

He spun around to leave.

“Goodbye, Robbie,” Sportacus said softly as he held the man’s note to his crystal case. “I—I’ll see you then.”

The villain almost stumbled. He kept his eyes straight ahead. “I, uh, y-yeah,” was all he could muster for an answer in the moment before hunching his shoulders and scurrying home as quickly as he feet could move.

Robbie made it back to his lair in record time. It shouldn’t have been _too_ much of a surprise, really; adrenalin and delighted excitement was a dangerous combination, even the laziest of men. Robbie slowly looked around his lair. He had done it. He had asked Sportacus out. And the hero had agreed.

“I…did it,” he said quietly as he shuffled toward his chair. “I… _heh_ …I did it.” A smile crept across his face as the reality of the situation finally began to sink in. “I did it!”

Robbie hurried to the orange chair, scooping up the plush reindeer waiting there in a single swoop. “I did it, Peppermint!” he cried as he swung the toy around. “I asked him out! I can’t believe I actually did it!”

He hugged his plush friend close and squealed in delight. The lair remained quiet, save for a few faint echoes of voices and play from the town above. Robbie’s smile slowly waned at the familiar sounds. He blinked, pressing his eyelids together tightly for a few seconds before opening his eyes again. He looked down at his silent-yet-supportive friend.

“Oh no,” he mumbled. “I did it. I…oh, what did I _do_?” he asked with a slight whine. “Now I have to make sure it all goes well!” He hugged Peppermint anew as he realized just how much work was ahead of him. “Oh no.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Been having some computer troubles.  
> Also been busy.
> 
> At this point my goal is to get this dang thing finished before March hits XD


	7. Part VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for putting up with such a long hiatus, everyone. You have no idea how much I appreciate your patience and kind words.
> 
> I'm still slow at writing, but I have a bunch of stuff in the pipes for the coming months. Be sure to follow me on tumblr or somewhere to get updates. There's going to be a mess of them coming.
> 
> This chapter was originally supposed to be longer, but I think I put too much detail in and decided it needed a cut-off point to keep from being a monster. Hopefully more will be coming soon.

Robbie had made a terrible, terrible mistake.

He hadn’t slept last night. To be honest, he wasn’t sure if he had slept the night before, either; the hours had been a blur of planning and preparation and sheer, unbridled panic. To put it simply, it was finally Saint Valentine’s Day proper and Robbie was a nervous wreck.

“Did I forget anything?” the villain muttered as he paced his lair, fiddling with his cufflinks as he went. “No, no, I couldn’t have. I couldn’t…I can’t.”

He stopped by his kitchenette and took another sip of his coffee waiting for him there. Robbie swallowed. He stopped, turned, and headed back the other way, pulling out his notebook from his pocket.

“Check,” he mumbled as he went down his list. “Check. Check. Wait, did I…? Oh, yes, last night. Good, good. That’s finished. Check. Check.”

He stopped by his chairside table and took a drink of soda from the glass sitting there. He once again stopped and turned in the opposite direction to continue his path.

“It’s almost time. Almost nine o’clock. _Yech_ …I should be asleep at this hour! Who in their right mind wakes up this early? I wish I could sleep. Oh God, I can’t sleep. I can’t mess this up. I need to stay up. Need caffeine,” he continued to ramble to himself as he made his way back to the coffee pot for more energy.

Maybe he could take another look at his checklist. Just to make sure he wasn’t missing anything.

After two more checks that all events were scheduled properly, everything was in place, and he knew exactly where he was going to be and what he was going to do throughout the day, Robbie finally relented and stalked off to the bathroom to fix his makeup. Shaking hands only presented a minor distraction from his quest, and Robbie managed to only poke himself in the eye twice.

He had to look presentable. More than that, he had to look his _best_. Sportacus deserved even more than that, but Robbie knew he would have to settle for what he would be able to provide given his personal limitations. He just had to hope it would be enough for now.

“There,” the villain sighed as he put his things away and fiddled with the collar of his shirt instead.

Cream dress shirt and violet vest. It was a good choice, he decided. It made his eyeshadow pop, and his dark pants were a good compliment to his hair. Adding anything else would have just been overkill. He was ready. At least, physically. Inside he thought he might throw up. But he didn’t have time to think about that right now, now did he?

“Wish me luck,” the man squeaked as he stalked toward the chute to leave.

Robbie grabbed a small box sitting on his nearby workbench as he went. He glanced back at the plush reindeer sitting in his chair, giving it a nervous smile in response to its silent, yet supportive demeanor. With another deep breath, he left his lair and headed toward town.

Robbie knew he was early, but that was okay. He would rather be jittery and nervous up here waiting than jittery and nervous down in his lair. At least here he couldn’t go try and fix his hair for the twelfth time or second-guess his choice in spats or cufflinks for the _fifteenth_ time. He glanced down at his watch again. Eight forty-seven. God, being up this early should be illegal. If it weren’t for being absolutely terrified—and excited—Robbie was sure he would be unconscious right now.

The only thing that snapped the man out of her nervous thoughts was the soft thud nearby that alerted Robbie to the arrival of his second party.

“H-hi, Robbie.”

He turned around to face the elf, the sight of the hero briefly rendering him unable to breath.

“H-happy Valentine’s Day,” Sportacus said, offering an awkward smile and holding out a heart-shaped box with slightly trembling hands.

The hero wasn’t wearing his normal attire. Instead, Sportacus wore a beautiful royal blue jacket over a pale shirt. His pants matched the jacket. Though, Robbie couldn’t help but give a momentary snicker when he realized the elf was still wearing his usual hero boots under it all. At least the blue-and-white bowtie was a little different. On anyone else, Robbie would have called the fashion choice a disaster. On Sportacus, it was adorable.

“H-ha-happy Valentine’s Day,” the villain echoed.

The pair stood there for another moment or two.

“Uh…th-this is for you,” Sportacus clarified, eyes drifting down to the gift in his outstretched hands.

“Oh! R-right, sorry!”

Robbie took the cardboard heart with the utmost reverence. In doing so, he realized that he, too, was still holding his own offering. The villain wet his lips and glanced up at Sportacus and his uncharacteristically smart attire.

“I, uh…got you this,” he managed to say as he held out the small plain box to his date. “Y-you don’t have to wear it if you don’t w-want to.”

Sportacus took the box with an expression of curious intrigue. Lifting the flap to peek inside, the hero’s eyes widened at its contents. Robbie shifted his weight uncertainly. Fingers twitching against the smooth exterior of his candy box, Robbie watched as Sportacus carefully extracted the pale blue flower from where it was nestled.

“R-Robbie, I…”

If he didn’t know any better, Robbie would have thought Sportacus sounded almost frightened.

“I…figured it was your color,” he mumbled with a sheepish shrug.

“Th-this is lovely, Robbie. Thank you. I…I don’t know what to say.”

Robbie shrugged. It was just a flower, right? Run of the mill gift for a date. At least, he thought it was; he had to admit he was a bit rusty on the whole dating thing in general, but still…

“Here, let me h-help with that,” Robbie mumbled as he carefully balanced Sportacus’ gift on top of the mailbox.

The villain took the flower from Sportacus’ hand. Holding his breath to steady his nerves as much as his body was currently able, Robbie gingerly pinned the delicate bit of flora to his date’s jacket. The color contrast was beautifully perfect and Robbie found himself unable to keep from blushing once he realized just how close he now was to the hero. His heart started to beat a little too fast for his liking, but he couldn’t seem to make it stop, even after taking a step back from the man. Oh, this date was going to be the death of him, he just knew it. After a proper inspection of Robbie’s work, Sportacus beamed up at him, nearly causing the town villain to melt in his shoes right then and there.

“It’s perfect, Robbie, th-thank you!”

He shrugged, but gave a small smile in return.

“O-oh! Wait, I-I have more!”

Sportacus blinked in surprise. “More?”

“Y-yeah,” Robbie stuttered as he reached somewhere behind the mailbox.

Sportacus’ eyes went wide when he beheld the haul that Robbie produced from his hiding place. There were a pair of stuffed animals—a striped elephant and a plaid-patterned rhinoceros, it looked like—what might bea jewelry box of some kind, a golf club, a pink heart-shaped balloon, a tube of tennis balls, and a bouquet of…something. Presents. Lots of presents. Check.

Sportacus began to laugh. “R-Robbie! This…oh, wow.”

Robbie shoved the hoard at the man with still-trembling hands. Sportacus did his best to hold it all.

“Is…?” Sportacus furrowed his brow as he looked at what he had originally thought were more flowers, but seemed to be, instead, cut-out shapes of a very familiar assortment of items on imitation stems. “Are these… _sportscandy_?” he asked in instant delight.

Robbie smiled, but kept his eyes on the ground. “Couldn’t exactly get you chocolates,” he mumbled as he retrieved his own gift and held it close to his chest. He quietly observed his date a moment before adding “A-and there’s more where that came from!”

“ _More_?”

Sportacus tightly pinched his lips as he looked over the gorgeous arrangement of cut strawberries, apple slices, grapes, and kiwis. It was hard to tell if Robbie had created the ‘flowers’ himself or if he had purchased them that way, but as far as Sportacus was concerned, it didn’t matter; Robbie Rotten had bought and handled sportscandy just to make him happy. And that was all that mattered in the world.

“Thank you, Robbie. This is…so much!” he laughed. “I feel a little bad that I didn’t get you more. I didn’t know…I mean, I wasn’t sure what to get you,” he admitted with the suggestion of a frown.

Robbie looked fondly at the box of chocolates back in his hands, entirely missing the hero’s nervous display. “This is perfect, Sportasap,” he mumbled, simultaneously wanting to open the lid and devour the contents as well as preserve and slowly savor each sugary individual.

Sportacus swallowed, hugging his gifts to his chest as he watched his villain for a few seconds. “I…I’ve been looking forward to spending time together. I have to admit, I was starting to worry when I didn’t see you around town for a while. I-I’m really glad you asked me…”

Why did Robbie’s face feel so hot? Must be the gross morning air. What else would it be, right? He cleared his throat and glanced down at his watch to occupy himself for a few seconds. Oh. Despite both of them arriving early, it seemed that time had somehow sped up on them when he wasn’t looking. If they didn’t leave soon, the entire day’s carefully planned events would be ruined. As much as Robbie wanted to stay here, standing so close to the stupidly silly elf in the quiet of the morning, they had a schedule to stick to. And there was no way that Robbie, the laziest man in town, was going to let all that time and effort and painstaking planning go to waste.

“A-alright,” Robbie announced, clearing his throat when he realized how hoarse his dry mouth was making him sound, “We need to get a move on. W-we’ll drop this off at the lair, and, uh, keep going.”

“Going?” Sportacus asked curiously. “Where are we going?”

The villain huffed, grabbed the other man’s wrist, and gave it a tug to encourage him to start moving., something he never would have thought would happen when it came to Sportacus. “If I told you, it wouldn’t exactly be a surprise, now would it? A-anyw-way, lots to do, tight schedule and all that.”

He turned to leave and Robbie felt another tingly chill run down his spine as it registered in his brain that he was touching Sportacus. It was barely anything, really…but it was still skin-to-skin contact. With Sportacus. With whom he was currently on a date. Robbie was getting tired of his face feeling so warm. At this rate, he was probably going to pass out from heatstroke by lunchtime. Sportacus didn’t seem to notice his spike in anxiety.

The hero just smiled happily as he let himself be pulled along the path. “No, I guess not,” he agreed with a slight chuckle that made Robbie’s stomach make a tiny flip.

Robbie hastily dragged his date to the edge of town. They arrived at the billboard quickly, and Sportacus stood idly by and watched as Robbie carefully relieved him of the bundle in his arms and set their assortment of gifts in a waiting basket. After quickly flushing the items down to the lair below—for Sportacus could think of no other word to describe it—Robbie once again grabbed his wrist and began to leave him to parts unknown. Though it had had a brief reprieve, Sportacus couldn’t help but notice that the villain’s face was rather red again. He smiled.

“The train station?” the hero asked in curious wonder as Robbie lead him through the turnstiles that Sportacus so wished he could use as makeshift gymnastic bars.

“You know a better way out of town that doesn’t involve flying in that blimp of terror you insist on living in?”

“It’s an airship,” was all Sportacus could think of for a response.

Robbie tucked their tickets into his breast pocket and sat down on the wooden bench. He checked his watch again and Sportacus moved to join him.

“Do I get to find out where we’re going yet?” the hero inquired, tilting his head to study Robbie’s face.

“Oh, didn’t I tell you? I figured we’d come take a tour of the local train station and then go home.”

Sportacus gave his villain a lopsided smile, happy to see the man settling back to his usual snarky self. That was the Robbie he knew and loved. Sportacus’ cheeks felt a tad warm at that thought and he hoped the other man didn’t notice.

“I didn’t realize you needed tickets for that,” the hero teased with a not toward Robbie’s pocket.

Robbie smiled. A genuine, lovely smile. “Well, I thought I’d treat you to a tour of the train itself, too, Sportanosy. Thanks for ruining the surprise.”

Sportacus outright laughed at the absurdity of their conversation. Robbie joined him with a snicker of his own and the silly conversation soon drifted into a comfortable silence in which Sportacus took up performing a few push-ups on the platform while Robbie simply watched and rolled his eyes. There weren’t many passersby to gawk at the sight of a well-dressed man randomly exercising at a train station. Robbie felt a strange mixture of relief and disappointment at that fact. As much as he didn’t want folks to whisper and stare, he couldn’t deny that part of him wanted to proclaim to the world that of all the people on the planet, the muscle-bound ray of sunshine that was Sportacus was _his_ date and his date alone.

The slightly-above-average hero only paused his routine when the shrill whistle of an approaching train cut through the air. He hopped back to his feet to watch the massive metal snake approach their position. Robbie let out a sigh of relief at the train’s timely arrival and calmly stood as it pulled into the station.

“The train’s here, Robbie!”

“Really? I hadn’t noticed.”

Sportacus rolled his eyes and Robbie instinctively stiffened when the hero took gentle hold of his hand.

“I’ve never rode on a train before.”

Robbie frowned. “What, really? I thought you traveled all over the place!”

The elf shrugged, looking almost ashamed all of a sudden. “Most of that was by air. I don’t even know how to drive a car.”

Robbie blinked a few times. “Wh-what? Really?”

Sportacus shrugged again. Robbie squeezed his hand. Oh, he liked holding hands, Robbie decided.

The villain smiled. “Well, then, I guess you get to witness the marvel that is modern railway transportation today.”

A man called for passengers and Robbie once again tugged Sportacus after him. The hero made no complaints. After a quick exchange of tickets, the pair climbed up into the train car to find their seats. There were only a few other passengers in the car, all of them occupied with books, newspapers, or som other distraction in their laps. Robbie was happy to see that this particular train seemed a bit more old-timey than he had expected; that meant extra room to breathe and that was always a good thing, especially with how much he could tell Sportacus was already bouncing on his heels behind him.

“This one okay?”

Sportacus nodded, grinning like a fool.

Robbie let the other man slide into the seat first, then sat down next to him. Good. The train would be leaving on time. The critical bit of his plans would be in place, and the rest of the day could be dedicated to their date without worry.

Oh yeah. They were on a date. Robbie could feel himself starting to blush all over again. In spite of how long he had been awake at this point, the villain found himself wide awake and, dare he say, _giddy_ over what was to come. Because it meant he was on a date with the town hero. He reached for Sportacus’ hand only to find an empty seat cushion.

The train lurched forward as it began its journey and Robbie looked beside him to see where that pesky Sportahand was so he could be romantic and hold the darn thing. The hero’s face and palms were plastered to the window. With what little he could make out around the elf-shaped obstruction, Robbie watched as the outskirts of LazyTown began to blur and disappear behind them and were soon replaced by the open fields of the countryside. Ah. That explained why there was no hand-holding. Oh well, let the man enjoy the ride. He was being adorable anyway; who wanted to interrupt that?

“We’re going so fast, Robbie!”

The villain lightly chuckled. “Did you forget you lived in a deathtrap in the sky, Sportadork?”

The hero glanced over his shoulder only to speak. “My ship moves really fast, but it doesn’t _look_ like it from way up there! This is amazing!”

Well, Robbie hadn’t _planned_ on the train ride being an event to focus upon for their date, but he was happy with the results nonetheless. If Sportacus was happy, he was happy. This was going to be a good day.


	8. Part VIII

No, he took it back. He was right the first time. Today was a bad day. A very _very_ bad day.

While the train ride had been a peaceful experience, what had followed was nothing short of hell. Robbie’s own horrible, personal circle of hell. The city train station was, to start with, _much_ busier than the one from which they had departed. Holding Sportacus’ hand had quickly devolved from a fluttery, romantic gesture to one of sheer survival so the couple wouldn’t lose each other in the crowd. Robbie had such a grip on Sportacus’ hand during their agonizingly long trip out to the street that both men were a little surprised that the hero had any feeling left in the extremity at all upon the journey’s conclusion.

After a mumbled apology, Robbie hailed a taxi for the second half of their trek.

“L-Lesser Mayhem Stadium, please,” Robbie mumbled to the taxi driver as he slid into his seat.

“Lesser? No problem! I’ll have you there in a jiffy.”

“Good.”

Sportacus closed the door and turned to Robbie with a curious smile. “Stadium?” he asked.

Robbie cleared his throat and tried to casually glance out the window at the cars passing by, hoping to avoid coming up with an answer that would confirm what Sportacus was undoubtedly thinking. He had already ruined half of the surprise as it was; no need to spoil the rest of it, too.

Sportacus opened his mouth, likely to ask a follow-up question, but that was the moment their driver decided to pull out into traffic. All that escaped the hero’s lips was a short yelp of surprise as he was flung back against his door. Robbie grabbed for the edge of his seat with one hand while his other reached for the, thankfully locked, door handle by his side. Neither man spoke during the rest of the drive. They were both far too occupied with trying to stay alive as their insane driver weaved back and forth through city traffic.

The shrieking sound of Sportacus’ crystal stabbed at Robbie’s ear drum like a relentless knife. He wanted to yell at the man to shut the stupid gem up; they both _well knew_ who was in trouble, and there was nothing that they could do to fix it, was there? They were trapped. They were trapped in a metal death bullet and there was no way out.

 Robbie saw his life flash before his eyes. The bullies, the glorious, genius inventions, the cakes he had eaten over the years—wow, that was a lot of cake…maybe Sportacus was right and he should cut down a little if they survived this—and the arrival of Sportacus in LazyTown. Huh. Most of his life consisted of cake. That was more disappointing than he had anticipated. His life suddenly felt a bit like a lie.

Oh well, no time for that now. He was too busy screaming.

“You okay back there?”

Robbie kept screaming.

“R-Robbie,” a soft, trembling voice said, somehow breaking through the cloud of terror. “W-we’ve stopped.”

Robbie could hear the sigh of relief in his date’s words. His screams subsided. The taxi driver was looking over their shoulder at him with a raised eyebrow.  The villain looked around to see that, indeed, the scenery had stopped flying past them.  Sportacus sat on the opposite end of the back seat and Robbie was relieved to see that his door was open and the hero sat with one leg out the door, his boot on sweet, safe, solid ground.

“Oh thank heavens,” Robbie heard himself whisper as his breathing slowly returned to normal.

He grabbed Sportacus’ hand and the pair scooted quickly toward the open car door.

“Hey hey hey, now! What about my fare?”

Robbie dug around in his pocket, refusing to pause for even a moment in the fear that the Death Taxi would take off with him again if he wasn’t quick enough. He threw some crumpled bills at the front seat, muttered a quick “Keep the change” and escaped to sweet, sweet freedom.

“Are you okay, Robbie?” Sportacus asked worriedly when he noticed how much his villain still seemed to be shaking from their ride.

“I just faced death,” he breathed. “Right now I’m just happy I don’t need a change of pants.”

Sportacus gave a nervous chuckle and gently patted the taller man’s shoulder for reassurance. “That _was_ a little…scary,” he admitted, glancing off where their taxi had sped off the moment the driver had been paid. “And…it is his _job_ to drive a car for people?”

“Hard to believe, isn’t it?” Robbie grumbled.

Sportacus nodded slowly. “Maybe I should learn to drive.” He turned to Robbie with a bright smile and a laugh. “I don’t think I could do much worse than what we just went through!”

Robbie’s shoulders began to relax again. “M-maybe,” he replied. “J-just get someone _else_ to teach you. I think that turned me off of sitting in cars for a while.”

Sportacus squeezed his date’s hand and looked up at the bustling building nearby. Though not terribly thick with people, there _was_ a substantial crowd running in and out of the doors and around the parking lot. Most seemed to be in groups or linking arms with an obvious partner. That made Robbie bite his lower lip in confused disgust. People actually went to sporting events like this as normal dates? They weren’t going to be the outliers in the crowd? _Why_ on earth would sports-related anythings be a popular dating idea? What was _wrong_ with the world for that to happen?

“Mayhem Megalodons against the BullyTown Badgers?” Sportacus asked curiously as he read the ticker that stretched over the stadium entryway. His eyes darted to various signs and posters, each of them filled with images of jerseys and bright orange balls bouncing every which way. “Are…are we going to a basketball game?” Sportacus looked up at Robbie. “ _Really?_ ”

The villain shrugged. “…Why not?”

Sportacus laughed outright. “Because you _hate_ sports!”

“Y- _you_ don’t.”

“Oh, Robbie. Th-that’s…very sweet,” Sportacus said as he reached for the man’s hand.

Robbie felt his cheeks warm as he tried to shrug off the endearing compliment to keep from embarrassing himself and losing his villainous reputation. Despite the fact that no one present besides Sportacus was even aware of said reputation. It was the principle of the thing. Right? Well, villain or not, having Sportacus’ hand in his still felt…really nice.

He awkwardly cleared his throat. “I, it…it was nothing. Th-though it was surprisingly hard to find anyone that was playing today. I was just glad that this game was so close. Erm…w-well, anyway, uh...we should go inside. It’s supposed to start soon,” Robbie mumbled before fishing around in his pocket with his free hand for their tickets.

The mob looked a lot worse from a distance, thank heavens, but it was too many people willing to go to a basketball game for Robbie’s liking, especially for Valentine’s Day. But, at least there was a little space to breathe, so he decided it best to count his blessings and move on. Robbie and Sportacus easily found the proper section and seats, though the hero couldn’t help but notice how rigid Robbie was as they sat down. He even squeezed Sportacus’ hand more tightly as time went on, and his eyes didn’t seem to be focusing on anything anymore.

“Robbie? Are you okay?”

“Huh? Wha—I, sorry.” Robbie relaxed his grip as his date’s words registered in his mind. “I’m fine.”

Sportacus didn’t look convinced. “Are you sure?”

He nodded. “Yeah. J-just fine!”

“Robbie, what’s wrong?”

The villain shook his head. “No, nothing. It’s nothing.”

“ _Robbie_.”

“I’m _fine_ , Sportaworry.” Robbie gave the other man’s hand a gentle squeeze as a last-ditch effort to convince him of his words. “Uh, how are you?”

Worried about the strained look on his date’s face. “Surprised,” Sportacus answered. “I admit, I didn’t really know what to expect today, but going to a game definitely wasn’t on the list! This was very thoughtful, Robbie.”

That got the handsome villain to smile, at least. “Well of course! You’re dating the best, Sportaluck! And _I_ like to make sure my dates have a good time.”

Sportacus laughed. The two of them sat and waited for the rest of the small stadium’s seats to fill in. Robbie’s eyes followed every person that passed them. He wet his lips, suddenly realizing just how hungry he was. He was running off of caffeine, sure, but he probably hadn’t had anything solid to eat since the night before, he now realized.

“I’ll be right back.”

Robbie jumped, shaking his head. “What?”

Sportacus was standing up. “I’m going to run to the bathroom before the game starts. Will you be okay on your own?”

Robbie gave a huff, rolled his eyes, and folded his arms over his chest. “ _Please!_ I’m not a _child_ , Sportakook!”

“Okay, Robbie.”

Sportacus gave him a tender smile and shuffled past him to head back out to the entryway. The moment the man was out of sight Robbie deflated. This place was so _echoy_ and filled with _people_. It was pure chaos and the stupid game hadn’t even _started_ yet! How long did these things last, again? He…probably should have researched that a bit more before today. He could swear that he read somewhere that a basketball game—which he assumed was the game Sportacus and the brats played with the giant bouncy orange balls, based on all the posters they had passed—had less than an hour of game time, but even this pre-game bustle felt like it was taking an eternity. This was going to be the longest hour of his _life_. But...Sportacus seemed excited. Robbie let himself smile. Maybe it would be worth it for that. Energetic sports-type event? Check.

“Hi, Robbie!”

He looked up. Robbie blinked wildly, convinced that he was hallucinating for a minute. Sportacus smiled down at him, arm extending to offer his date a large plastic bag filled with pink and blue swirls of color. In his other hand was something  powdery on a paper plate. The hero was smiling, cheeks a little red, and his eyes brimming with nervousness.

“I, um…got this for you.”

He took the offering with delicate fingers, eyes glossing over the packaging. “C-cotton candy?” he asked in disbelief as Sportacus made his way back to their seat beside him.

“And funnel cake!” Sportacus added.

“ _What?_ ” Robbie exclaimed in shock, looking over at the delicious confection sitting in the hero’s lap.

Sportacus looked uncomfortable, but kept his smile. “Is it okay? It’s not the kind of cake I thought it would be, but there’s a lot of—” The elf almost looked like he was going to be sick just thinking about it. “— _sugar_ on it so I thought you might still like it.”

“Y-you got me cotton candy and funnel cake?” the floored villain asked again. “ _You_?”

Sportacus nodded and slowly held up the plate with Robbie’s second gift. “I-I don’t mean to be rude, Robbie, but…could you take this?” he asked with a slightly shaking voice. “The sugar is getting on my hands an-and I’m not really comfortable—”

“Oh! Oh, sorry!” Robbie cried, setting the bag of cotton candy aside and gingerly taking the plate from his date.

Sportacus immediately shook his hands, arms outstretched to keep the powdery poison away from him. He reached for a bottle of water he had tucked in his belt and, instead of drinking from it, poured a small amount in a cupped hand. The bottle set on the floor, the hero did his best to wash his hands of any trace of the powdered sugar.

Robbie watched quietly with a mixture of guilt and fondness. Sportacus had not only _bought_ him unhealthy treats, but carried them back full knowing he was risking sugar exposure himself. It was…touching. The villain snorted, romantic thoughts interrupted, when he watched Sportacus—who was clearly at a loss for what to do without a napkin—try to covertly wipe the moisture off his hands by rubbing them on the ankles of his pant legs. Robbie almost offered the man the handkerchief tucked in his pocket, but it was probably best that he didn’t; the last thing Sportacus needed was Robbie getting sugar all over said handkerchief first.

“Thank you, Sporta-uh, Sportacus,” he said instead.

The elf man’s grin felt like the sun. “It was no problem, Robbie! I saw how you were looking at everyone’s snacks. I…thought you might be hungry.”

The villain gave a sheepish shrug while Sportacus reached for his water and took a drink. Robbie carefully ripped off a bit of his funnel cake and popped it into his mouth. The powdered sugar melted instantly on his tongue. The man felt his entire body relax immediately, a euphoric hum escaping his lips as he chewed.

“So it’s good?” Sportacus asked with a slight giggle.

Robbie could only nod, his mouth far too occupied with deliciousness. After a moment he swallowed and nodded again. “Oh, that is _heavenly_!” he proclaimed as he already worked to break off another piece. “If I knew places like this had food that tasted _this_ good maybe I’d have stepped inside a sports stadium sooner!”

Robbie’s date could only laugh at his enthusiasm.

“So…funnel cake is still an acceptable kind of cake.” Sportacus seemed to be taking verbal notes rather than asking a question. “Good. I was a little worried. Um…what exactly _is_ funnel cake, Robbie?”

He swallowed another sugar piece of heaven and licked his fingers before answering. “Just fried dough. But _this_ dough…I need to find out what they do to make it!”

Sportacus made a face. “ _Fried?_ ” he asked in disgust. “-but it already has sugar all over it! Do-do they really need to _fry_ it, too?”

“Of course! You want to eat raw goopy dough?”

“But…can’t they bake it instead? Wouldn’t that be healthier?”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “Sportaclueless, the point of funnel cake isn’t to be _healthy_! It’s _point_ is to be so delicious that you don’t care if it kills you or not!”

The hero looked horrified. His eyes kept drifting between Robbie and the funnel cake that was still being shoveling into Robbie’s mouth at a steady pace. Clearly, the man was regretting his choice to buy the death dish in the first place. He made a soft, uncomfortable whine and pressed himself back into his seat as Robbie happily continued to eat.

It was a good thing Robbie ate as fast as he did, because mere seconds after he had set his plate aside a loud pounding of music came over the loudspeakers and sent the man a few good feet into the air. The woman who had recently sat down next to him with her children looked at his outburst with surprised concern. Still panting, Robbie quickly looked around to assess whether everything was alright. The speakers were still blasting horrendously loud music and explosionesque sounds that vibrated through his entire being. A man was shouting some sort of announcement, though Robbie couldn’t get past the pain stabbing into his temples to understand a word of it. Oh God, now there were lights! Lights flashing and waving every which way in different colors. He shut his eyes tightly and gripped his bag of cotton candy like his life depended on it. He could still see some of the lights shining _through_ his eyelids. The loud music pounded rhythmically against him, squeezing his entire body. He clenched his teeth and pulled all his limbs in as close to his body as he could.  He couldn’t take this. No one had told him about this! _Why_ did a stupid basketball game have such noise and lights like this? _Why?_

As the crowd cheered around him and the music finally began to die down, Robbie slowly grew aware of a gentle pressure on his right arm, as well as a familiar chirping previously drowned out by the hellish ruckus that was around him.

“—bbie? Please, talk to me,” a stern-but-quivering voice said from somewhere close by.

He hesitantly opened his eyes. Down below Robbie could see a gathering of men, all wearing sports jerseys like those on the posters that had littered the halls and the outside of the stadium. He let out a ragged breath in an attempt to get his biological functions to return to normal after what had felt like a near-death experience.

“Can you hear me, Robbie?”

The chirping sound slowly faded away and Robbie turned his head toward the soft, comforting voice. He was met with a pair of beautiful blue eyes staring straight at him. But they didn’t look right. It took Robbie a moment or two of slack-jawed staring to figure out what it was; the edges of those bright eyes didn’t crinkle like they were supposed to…why weren’t they smiling?

“Robbie?”

The villain blinked, his tunnel vision slowly expanding to take in his surroundings once more.

“Sportacus?” someone asked in his voice.

“Robbie are you okay?”

He blinked, gave a shiver, and slowly nodded. “Y-yeah, I think so…what…what on earth was _that_?”

“I’m sorry, Robbie. I didn’t realize they would be that loud. Are you okay? We can leave if—”

Leave? _Leave?_ No! Oh, goodness, no! No, this was for Sportacus—for the perfect _date_ with Sportacus! They couldn’t just up and leave! That would ruin everything! Robbie’s mind was instantly cleared of its previous fog and he shook his head violently.

“ _No!_ I, uh, I mean no,” he said, trying to lower his voice back to a normal tone. “No, w-we’re staying. I, uh…I just wasn’t expecting it, that’s all!” The villain gave a weak, blatantly forced chuckle. “W-we came all this way, and...and it’d be a p-pity to leave now wh-when the…” Don’t gag. Don’t gag. “… _fun_ hasn’t even started yet.”

Sportacus gave him a skeptical look. Robbie couldn’t tell exactly what the elf was thinking, but judging by the look in his eyes, the hero might be debating whether to stay or scoop Robbie up and force him to leave right that instant. He needed to counteract it, dig his heels in.

“I’m fine,” Robbie said quickly, feeling mildly guilty at the lie. “Honest.”

“O…okay, Robbie,” Sportacus said after a pause that felt far longer than it actually was. “Just let me know if you would like to get some fresh air, okay?”

Robbie nodded stiffly, though he knew he wouldn’t be able to take up such an offer. He couldn’t. It would ruin everything, all his carefully laid plans. And he didn’t dare let the day come to that; this date had to be perfect. Or, at least…as close as possible to perfect, given how his attack had already wrecked the mood for the foreseeable future. He looked down at the bag of half-crushed cotton candy in his hands. At least there was some comfort food left. Robbie opened the bag only to stiffen with a jolt when someone below blew a very shrill whistle that was, apparently, perfect for bouncing off the walls of the already-echoy chamber.

Oh. It seemed the game was starting.

Robbie hoped that starting sooner meant things would be ending sooner, but he got the feeling that those hopes didn’t hold much weight. Oh, he could kill that little Trippy girl for suggesting such a foul idea. _Why_ had he listened to her in the first place?  Just because a child had some decent ideas _once_ didn’t mean that he needed to go talk to them about _everything_! He shoved some more cotton candy in his mouth, trying desperately to savor the sweet flavor while simultaneously ignoring the torrent of squeaks coming from the court floor below.

This was going to be a _long_ day, wasn’t it?

The game progressed. Robbie didn’t have a clue what was going on, other than everyone seemed to want to bounce the orange ball on the floor and run back and forth in different directions. Sometimes someone would throw the ball at a little net dangling at the end of the playing area. _Court_ , he thought he heard the too-loud announcer call it. But, other than that, he had no idea what was happening. All that Robbie knew for _certain_ was there was a lot of squeaking, a lot of annoying cheering from the people in the stands, and—at seemingly random intervals—incredibly loud buzzer screeches of death that made the villain yelp and jump and cover his ears from the pain it caused.

Robbie shoved the last of his emotional support cotton candy into his mouth and crumpled the bag into a tight ball before licking his lips of any sugary residue. He _really_ didn’t understand how anyone could like this stupid sport, not even Sportaflop.

Speaking of which, at least the blue kangaroo seemed to be enjoying himself to some degree. Although his legs bounced incessantly, he was cheering along with the crowd and giving the occasional commentary to Robbie as if he cared about what was happening. Even so, the man’s voice speaking calmly to him amongst all the surrounding insanity was a nice way for Robbie to keep himself grounded.

The villain looked down when he felt something brush his hand. Sportacus gave Robbie’s fingers a gentle squeeze. It practically made him melt on the spot, but Robbie did his best to try and hold his currently solid state for his date’s sake. Instead, he just offered up a weak smile.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Sportacus asked as quietly as he could without being drowned out by the game and its fans.

Robbie nodded.

“We really can go if you want,” the hero continued. “It’s a little loud in here.”

No. Robbie could see what the man was doing. Sportacus was mentioning the noise like _he_ was bothered by it, too, but Robbie knew better. He was a genius, after all. The elf was cheering with the rest of the crowd, sitting perfectly still while the villain jumped and winced at all the loud noises...no, they weren’t leaving. Even so, Robbie was touched by his date’s concern for him. But, no, he’d promised Sportacus a basketball game, and a basketball game he would give him.

“It’s not that bad once y-you get used to it,” he lied, the words feeling oddly thick on his tongue as he spoke.

“Really?”

“Y-yeah. I mean, how much longer can the game _be_ , anyway?” he asked, forcing himself to laugh and trying not to cry instead.

They _had_ been sitting there for a good while now. About an hour, Robbie guessed. They should be just about done, right?

Sportacus looked a bit concerned. “Uh, well…we’re only in the second quarter right now…”

Robbie _felt_ all color drain from his face. “S-second?” he asked. “ _Quarter_?”

“We can go now if you’d like, Robbie! Really, it’s much more fun to play than to watch anyway.”

“N-no! _No_ , we…it’s not that bad. W-we have to see what happens in the second half or w-we’ll be wondering who won all day!”

The elf eyed his date suspiciously. “O-okay, Robbie,” he said after a long moment of hesitation.

He gave Robbie’s hand another gentle squeeze before sitting back and turning his attention back to the game with a furrowed brow. Robbie swallowed the heavy ball of air sitting in his throat and placed both hands on his knees, back rigid as he came to terms with how unexpectedly long this torture was turning out to be. He grit his teeth and winced at the sound of another loud buzzer that he swore had been directed squarely at him.

Some members of the crowd began to stand, much to his confusion. Loud, pounding music began playing and the players below shuffled off of the court. Did this mean they had reached the halfway point? Robbie looked up and around. A few people were heading out to the halls, others were stretching and talking to their friends. A few folks in strange cartoonish suits came out to bounce around and entertain the crowds. Either this really was a break in the game, or basketball was far weirder than Robbie had anticipated.

In the air above the gaggle of strange characters hung a cube-shaped object covered in television screens and obnoxious advertisements. It had previously offered a zoomed-in view of the ‘action’ during the game itself and sweeping pans of those in attendance, though Robbie hadn’t paid it too much mind until this point. Now, though, his eyes were glued to its nearest face. The camera, wherever it was, was focused on Sportacus, who looked very shocked at the sudden attention. More than that, the words KISS CAM and a plethora of jiggling hearts framed his image. Beside the image of television-Sportacus sat an equally startled woman who didn’t seem to know what to do either.

Robbie whipped his eyes away from the screen to the man beside him. Sportacus was a deer in the headlights. Robbie instinctively reached out for his hand. The town hero pulled his panicked eyes away from the stranger sitting on his opposite side and turned to face Robbie instead. He squeezed his villain’s hand, strong body visibly relaxing at the familiar touch. Robbie smiled. Forgetting the crowds around them for the moment, the lanky man leaned in close to the short athlete. Both men smiled. They let their lips touch and Sportacus squeezed his date’s hand. Robbie pushed closer, stopping only when their shoulders were nestled comfortably against each other. He was vaguely aware of the few soft coos and admiring _aww_ s that came from the game patrons around them. As they parted, just out of the corner of his eye, Robbie could see how the KISS CAM had shifted its angle to fully capture the couple’s tender moment for all to see. Somehow, he didn’t care very much. The camera switched to another couple in the crowd and Robbie let out a sigh.

“I…I didn’t think you’d…” Sportacus fumbled in an obvious attempt to speak about what had just happened.

“Willingly go to a basketball game? Me neither.” Robbie filled in, suddenly feeling far more grounded than he had for the last two quarters of the orange ball-centric chaos.

The elf gave a loud, bubbly laugh and leaned in to kiss Robbie’s cheek this time. “No!” he giggled. “Well, I mean… _yes_ , but I meant—” He began to mildly blush. “— _that_. Kissing in…public…like that.”

Robbie blinked as retroactive fear suddenly started to punch holes in his blissful contentment. They _had_ kissed in public, hadn’t they? At the time Robbie’s only real thought had been saving his date—boyfriend?—from an awkward situation, but in doing so…

“Robbie?”

He refocused his eyes on Sportacus and the nervous needles in his brain began to fade away again. The villain even managed to smile. He leaned in and gave Sportacus a quick peck to prove how comfortable he was with their display. Sportacus was beaming.

“I couldn’t have them thinking you were here with anyone else but me,” Robbie teased. “I’ll beat all those desperate single losers away with a stick if I have to.”

“Robbie!” the elf laughed. “Don’t be mean!”

“I’m a villain,” he pointed out. “We’re all about mean.”

Sportacus rolled his eyes and leaned into Robbie’s side. In spite of the music still screaming at them, Robbie felt calm enough to wrap an arm around the flippy-floppy man’s shoulder and hold him close. Over Sportacus’ shoulder he could see the woman who had been falsely assumed to be the athlete’s intended Valentine. She smiled at the pair, mouthing a ‘thank you’ before turning her attention to the man who had just returned a concessions stand to rejoin her. Robbie smiled and squeezed Sportacus’ shoulder against his.

Despite the awful squeaking, screaming, buzzing, and announcements, the second half of the stupid game didn’t feel nearly as bad at the first.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> PLEASE see my tumblr (otterlydeerlightful.tumblr.com) for important news I cannot discuss here regarding this and future fics and scheduling in general.


	9. Part IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God I hope these remaining chapters don't just feel like empty filler D:

At some point in the never-ending barrage of cringe-inducing light and sound, Sportacus gently shook Robbie’s arm. The villain looked over at him with a curious expression. The happy elf nodded toward the nearest aisle and Robbie frowned with lack of understanding.

“Should we go?”

Robbie sighed. “Sportacus, I _told_ you already, I…I’ll be fine. I _am_ fine.” Mostly. “We don’t have to—”

“The game is almost over,” the hero interrupted.

Robbie’s words halted as his brain processed the implications of such wonderful news. His face lit up with the glow of sheer joy. “ _Really?_ ”

Sportacus suppressed a laugh at his date’s face. He nodded. “If you would like to go now, we’ll be able to get outside before everyone else starts to leave.

Robbie resisted the urge to get up and run. Instead, asking “But don’t you want to st-stay for the end?”

The athlete shrugged. “I don’t mind. I haven’t been paying attention to the score anyway. Let’s go now, before the final buzzer goes off.”

Oh, right. The end of the game probably meant another horrendous wave of sirens, screeches, and screaming. Maybe Sportaflop was on to something with this leaving early business. He nodded and immediately stood up. Robbie quickly dusted himself off, made sure his jacket wasn’t wrinkled, and looked over at his companion. Sportacus was picking up his now-empty water bottle and Robbie’s discarded cotton candy bag.

“Oh, wait!” the tall man shouted before lunging forward and grabbing the items out of the elf’s hands before he could reach for the funnel cake plate as well. “I—I’ll get that.”

Sportacus looked relieved as he watched some of the leftover powdered sugar tumble off of the plate and onto the floor. “Thank you, Robbie.”

“I might be villainous, but I’m not evil. You’re not touching this thing again if you don’t have to,” he said simply before turning away to squeeze past the family seated there.

He missed the fond smile of appreciation on Sportacus’ face as the hero followed behind him. The pair headed up the stairs and back out to the hallway. Though he didn’t say anything, Sportacus couldn’t help but be impressed at Robbie’s sudden display of energy; he hadn’t realized a man who detested exercise so thoroughly could run up a flight of stairs so quickly.

With his trash safely deposited in the nearest bin, Robbie stopped to catch his breath for a moment. He had done it. He had survived an _entire_ basketball game. If merely _attending_ one of these games was this stressful and exhausting, the man hated to think how bad _playing_ would feel. How on earth did Sportakook _like_ this stuff? It seemed like torture.

“That was fun. Thank you, Robbie.”

Fun. Yeah, not the word he would have used to describe that experience. His disgust must have shown on his face because Sportacus spoke up again a moment later.

“I know…this isn’t something you really enjoy, Robbie, but _thank you_. I really appreciate your willingness to bring me here. And be with me.”

Robbie’s cheeks, which had enjoyed their time returning to a normal temperature and hue for a good portion of the game’s latter half, suddenly felt like they were on fire again. Feeling the hero slip his hand into his only worsened the problem.

“I-it was nothing,” Robbie dismissed, looking away in embarrassment.

He heard what he swore was a giggle, followed by a soft “Okay, Robbie.”

The pair walked outside, the doors just closing behind them as there was a loud but now-muffled horn blown somewhere inside. Maybe that was the end of the game. Yes, leaving a little early had definitely been a good idea. He squeezed Sportacus’ hand and started out across the parking lot, determined to put as much distance between the soon-emerging crowds and themselves as possible.

“So,” Sportacus asked as they went, “Where to now, Robbie?”

Good thing he had a well-planned schedule to refer to, or Robbie would have looked like an amateur idiot, ha! But no, he had thoroughly planned the perfect day and knew _exactly_ where they were going to go next. He stood a little taller, held his impressive chin high with pride, and smiled.

“A lovely, romantic lunch of course!”

Robbie did not expect for his words to be greeted with an amused chuckle.

“Robbie, it’s already two-thirty. Isn’t that a little late for lunch?”

“ _What?_ ”

Robbie stared at Sportacus with wide eyes. Two…? How could it be so late already? He let go of his date’s hand to look at his watch. Two-thirty. He blinked, shook his head. Two-thirty. He shook his watch instead, bringing it so close to his face he almost went cross-eyed. Still two-thirty.

“But it was only supposed to be an hour!” Robbie cried in dismay as he tapped frantically on the watch face. “ _How_ is it so late? The game was only supposed to be an _hour_!”

Something gentle brushed his shoulder. Robbie turned.

“Robbie, are you okay?”

“We were in there for over _two hours_?” the villain asked a little louder than he had intended.

Sportacus calmly nodded. “It’s alright, Robbie. Just because it will be a later lunch doesn’t mean we can’t still enjoy it. I’m sure there are plenty of places to eat here in the city.”

The villain waved his arms in agitation. “No! No, no, it’s not that, it’s…”

Ugh. How to explain to the dumb, sweet elf that he had a schedule to adhere to. He probably threw off _everything_ with such a gross miscalculation for that game. Well, Robbie decided, he would just have to keep going. He couldn’t go to pieces over this. Sportacus was right there, and he couldn’t give away everything that he had planned for their date. He would just have to salvage what he could. If he shifted around a few things scheduled after they returned to LazyTown, then _maybe_ things could be salvageable. He could do this. He was a genius. He was Villain Number One! Robbie huffed, nodding to himself. He could make this work. He _would_ make this work.

“Uh…Robbie? Are you okay?”

Oh, right. Sportacus really _was_ right there.  Watching Robbie retreat into his own head so he could debate and argue and plot within himself and leave Sportacus to wait for his return. Wow, he was a rude date, wasn’t he? Robbie shook his head, the tremor falling down his spine and into his limbs as the villain rid himself of his scheduling woes. He was with Sportacus. And it was Saint Valentine’s Day. Things would be okay. He offered the shorter man a gentle smile.

“Yes, fine. Uh…sorry about that. Just thinking.” Slowly, Robbie began to recover his bravado. “I’m _always_ thinking! I’m an evil genius, aren’t I?”

Sportacus dumbly nodded, observing the man’s every move with a hint of concern in his beautiful blue eyes.

“The basketball game may have lasted a bit longer than I had originally anticipated,” Robbie continued, “but I’m nothing if not adaptable! I already picked out the perfect place for us to eat, and there’s no reason whatsoever that we can’t still eat there _now_!”

“Oh?” Sportacus’ interest was suddenly piqued.

“ _Yes_ ,” Robbie said with a smug grin, puffing out his chest a bit and tugging on the edge of his jacket to emphasize how impressive his intellect really was. “It’s rather close, too. An expert bit of planning on my part, if I do say so myself. I _did_ always have the perfect head for strategy.”

Sportacus gave the villain a lopsided smile and a slight nod. “I know, Robbie,” he supplied fondly. “You come up with the best plans! They’re so creative and always keep my on my toes. Ha—even today! I _never_ would have expected being taken to a game like this. Oh! Or the train ride here, either! You always have something up your sleeve. It’s impressive.”

Robbie swallowed, taken aback by the dreamy look on the hero’s face. A strange, trembling-yet-fuzzy feeling twittered in his chest at seeing Sportacus look at him like that. Robbie shivered when he felt the elf once again slip their hand into his own. Part of him figured that such a gesture should feel commonplace by now, but…no, Robbie still felt his heart flip-flop around in his chest as much as the man at his side did up and down the streets of LazyTown. The villain couldn’t help but smile. Somehow, though even his brilliant mind couldn’t understand it, Sportacus…really did care about him.

Robbie gave the other man’s hand an appreciative squeeze. They were on a date together.

“So, where _is_ the place we’re going?” Sportacus asked, interrupting Robbie’s fluttery daydreams. “I, uh, I _did_ have a large breakfast to tide me over but, I admit, I _am_ starting to get a little hungry. I, um…hope that they’ll have some sportscandy on their menu.”

Robbie started down the street to lead the way.

“As if I would take Mister I-love-apples-more-than-life-itself somewhere where he couldn’t have any of his nasty sportscandy!” Robbie huffed with feigned distress. “No, Sportagross, I will not keep you from following your disgusting diet. I’ll even allow you to sit near me as you eat it. Oh, the things I do for love!” he teased.

It took a moment before Robbie’s own words reverberated back to his ears for his brain to recognize. Realizing his word choice immediately turned his face as red as those apples Sportacus loved so much. Love? He was infatuated, sure, probably more than with any other person he had ever met in his life, but _love_? That seemed a little fast, especially for a first date. Even if they _had_ danced around each other for months…and months…

Robbie cleared his throat as he worked up enough courage to glance over at Sportacus beside him. The elf looked like he had gotten an instantaneous sunburn, too. Good. At least they matched.

The rest of the walk was quiet for the most part, at least until Sportacus decided that he was getting a little antsy traveling at such a slow pace and began to add in a few hops every few steps and kept twitching his fingers in an attempt to placate his need for movement. Eventually, Robbie let go of his hand and insisted that he get his pent up flips and flops out of his system before they had to sit down and eat like a pair of civilized people. The elf laughed, but was excited over the sudden freedom.

For all his complaining over the years, Robbie didn’t seem to mind having his date walking on their hands beside him as they strolled down the city street. He merely smiled, immune to the stares of the curious and confused passersby.  Though the sight still made him shake his head.

“How on _earth_ are your hands not freezing?” Robbie asked. “You’re making me cold just _looking_ at you!”

Sure, it wasn’t terribly cold out today, per say, but they _were_ just coming out of a terrible cold snap, and piles of dirtied snow and slush still littered the city gutters and shaded corners. That pavement had to feel like it was made of ice, and Sportacus wasn’t wearing gloves. He wasn’t sure he had _ever_ seen the crazy elf wear gloves, come to think of it.

“It doesn’t feel terribly cold to me.”

Sportacus’ legs briefly wiggled and Robbie figured it was the hero’s current equivalent to a shrug.  Robbie just rolled his eyes. Yup, that was the stupid man he had fallen for, wasn’t it? Maybe they were both crazy, then.

 “How can you even see where you’re going, Sportablind?” Robbie asked, looking down to where his date’s jacket hung uselessly in the way of Sportacus being able to see where on earth he was going in his current position. The man admitted, though, he rather liked how the fallen jacket back exposed Sportacus’ otherwise hidden dress shirt and, by extension, hints of the muscles moving underneath.

“I don’t need to see where _I’m_ going,” came the hero’s slightly muffled reply. “I just need to see where _your_ feet are going!”

Robbie chuckled, his hands clasped comfortably behind his back as he waltzed along. “Well you’re awful trusting. How do you know I won’t just lead you into a lamp post? Or some innocent child trying to ride some stupid skateboard?” Robbie pointed out. “I _am_ a dastardly villain, after all. And you’re in a _very_ compromising position amidst so many deliciously evil tools just waiting to be at my disposal.”

“That may be,” quickly came the athlete’s reply, “But I know you wouldn’t do something like that.”

Robbie fought back a frown. “Why _not_?”

It was because he was _a big softie_ , wasn’t it? He had no presence as a true villain! He was a big, dumb pushover and Sportacus knew it. The entire town knew it, but that didn’t mean Robbie _liked_ it that way. He was a good—er, bad!—villain through and through. It wasn’t his fault there was some flippy hero who would get in the way to make sure the villain always lost. It wasn’t his fault that the kids always ended up seeing through his perfect disguises in the end! He put in the effort; he had the skill, the intellect. He just needed—

“Because I trust you, Robbie!” Sportacus laughed.

He blinked and looked down at the hero again. “Wh-what?”

“I trust you.”

Robbie almost tripped over an unlevel crack in the sidewalk.

“Careful!” Sportacus cried, reaching out one hand to be at the ready should Robbie need any help. He balanced himself on one hand, looking up at Robbie, face visible just under his own armpit.

The villain just stared at him for a second, taking in the immediate concern that filled Sportacus’ eyes.

“You _trust_ me?”

Sportacus retracted his hand and pushed off the ground into a flip. He landed upright and began to straighten his jacket. “Of course I do, Robbie.”

“But… _why_? I’m a villain! _Y-your_ villain!”

Sportacus laughed softly. “I know. I just…” He shifted from one foot to the other. “I know you. And…you may be a villain, but you’re a good man, Robbie. I would trust you with my life.”

He blinked. He stared. He couldn’t do anything _but_ stare. Sportacus…what? He what?

“It’s okay, Robbie,” Sportacus said quietly.

He looked down when the hero touched his arm, but still seemed to be having trouble fully processing Sportacus’ words. He did, however, listen when he heard the elf’s gentle voice address him again.

“You…don’t hear it enough, Robbie. You’re a good man. And the kids love you. _I_ …” The elf looked briefly at the ground. “You have a good heart. You can be… _villainous_ when you want to be, but, to be honest, I think you would make an excellent hero if you wanted to be, too. You’re smart and artistic and flexible and...I think you could do _anything_ you really wanted to.”

Robbie swallowed, trying to come up with something decent—or, at least, coherent—to say in response to all that. What _could_ he say to that? Schoolyard crushes and taboo infatuations were one thing, but…Robbie had no idea Sportacus saw him such an impossibly positive light. He tried to swallow, finding himself unable to do so. When had his mouth gone dry? He…he had to say _something_. Sportacus was looking at him. But what could he…?

“Ah, I, uh…of…of _course_ I could do anything I wanted to!” Robbie heard himself reply. Yes, good. Hide behind his usual bravado; try to act normal, like he got compliments all the time. “I’m a genius _and_ Villain Number One! I managed to make a superhero fall for me enough t-to go on a date, after all! How many villains c-could accomplish _that_?”

Sportacus laughed, a bright smile strung from ear to ear. “Exactly!” he agreed in amusement.

Robbie couldn’t stop himself from giving a tiny, sheepish smile as his ears sank behind his suddenly hunched shoulders.

“So,” Sportacus said as he bounced lightly on the balls of his feet. “Should we keep going? You’re leading!”

“Oh, um...” Robbie gestured to a small café-looking establishment only a few storefronts away. “We’re going there, actually.”

The hero turned to look, his jaw dropping once he realized which business to which Robbie was referring. Sportacus spun back to look at Robbie, searching for some sign that he had either misunderstood or that Robbie might be playing some kind of a joke on him.

The villain shifted uncomfortably under the man’s gaze. “What?”

“Matilda’s Veggie Garden?” Sportacus asked skeptically.

Robbie shrugged. “What? Shannon and Cindy said it was good,” he offered.

Sportacus, again, gave a quick glance between his date and their destination before speaking. “R-Robbie, it’s…this is a vegetarian café,” he said slowly.

Robbie’s nose wrinkled instinctively at the word. “I’m…sure they’ll have, uh, _something_ I can eat.”

With a small sigh, Sportacus’ shoulders drooped. “ _Robbie_ , we don’t have to go somewhere just because _I_ might like it. What _you_ want matters, too. I…I know you didn’t like going to the basketball game, and you shouldn’t have to do only what I would want to—”

“What are you babbling about?” Robbie quickly interrupted, waving a hand between them as though he were trying to banish Sportacus’ words entirely. “I took you somewhere special for our date, now you’re hungry because elves don’t know how to eat like normal people! Th-that’s all it is! I d-don’t want you passing out from hunger! There’s _no_ way I can carry you back home if you do; you weigh a ton.”

Sportacus gave him a look and Robbie crossed his arms over his chest. It was a poor excuse of shield, but it was all that he had to work with at the moment.

“Robbie…”

“Why can’t I take you here?” he bluntly asked.

“It’s not that you can’t—”

“Then how come we’re out here talking instead of inside eating?”

Sportacus sighed, hands on his hips as he gave the vegetarian café another glance. When he looked back to Robbie, a soft smile had returned to his face. The villain let out a sigh of relief that he hadn’t known was in him until that moment.

“Okay, Robbie. But…if there’s nothing on the menu you’d like, can we go somewhere else?”

That seemed like a decent enough agreement. Robbie nodded.

“Deal.”

Oh, how he hoped that this grossly healthy-looking place had some _real_ food on the menu. Without another word, Robbie took Sportacus by the sleeve and started walking toward the café.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my God are you still reading this? Even after all this time?! :O YOU'RE AMAZING!!
> 
> Sorry things have been so slow. I've been trying to work on some things I can't really talk about here (hence why I've suddenly been plugging my tumblr and twitter...) and trying to get my life in order as best I can.
> 
> I'm still around and I'm still working. It's just that priorities stink atm.


	10. Part X

Robbie didn’t dare make eye contact with anyone they passed as they walked up to the small counter that was, in his opinion, much too far from the closest exit. Did everyone _really_ need to see him walk nearly the length of the entire café just to order something— _yech!_ —healthy so he could go hide in the corner? At least the customers were sparse. God, he hoped there weren’t any paparazzi in here or he would _never_ live this down.

“See anything you like?” came a sweet, gentle voice from beside him.

Robbie felt his shoulders relax at the sound as he gave Sportacus a quick side glance. “Uh, I’m not sure yet,” he mumbled before finally looking up at the giant menu plastered to the wall overhead.

He felt the elf gently pat on his arm from behind. “Well, I’m going to go wash my hands while you decide. It’s important to—”

“Hygiene, yes, good. You do that,” Robbie said with a smirk and a quick roll of his eyes.

Sportacus chuckled. “I’ll be right back, Robbie!” he said before dashing off toward the restrooms and launching himself into a flip.

Robbie groaned and covered his eyes when he heard the concerned woman behind the counter gasp in alarm from the sight of it.

“Sorry. He’s like that.”

“I, uh…he really shouldn’t…” she stammered, eyes still glued on where Sportacus had disappeared. “He might accidentally…”

Robbie waved a dismissive hand. “Don’t worry about it. Trust me, he’s, uh…he’s a professional.”

“W-well, could you please still ask him, uh, not to do that anymore? While you’re both in here?”

Robbie nodded just to placate her. “Sure, sure.”

Yeah, stop Sportaflip from flopping. That would be the day. He’d been trying to get that elf to stop spinning and jumping around since they met; what hope did a minimum wage cashier have by comparison?

Robbie looked up at the menu again. The happy-faced vegetables painted sporadically throughout the board stared down at him accusingly. They knew he shouldn’t be here. He could feel it. Robbie suppressed a shudder and tried to actually read the menu instead. While his intentions to make Sportacus happy had been good, he now began to realize what his date might have meant about how he couldn’t just bring them to places only _Sportacus_ might like. Because, honestly, the words staring down at him looked to be a combination of alien hieroglyphics and complex-sounding torture techniques.

“Vegetable bruschetta?” Robbie mumbled quietly to himself as he read the disaster of a menu. “Baguette fried tofu sandwich...chestnut ravioli…wasabi and tea smoked tofu panini!”

The villain quickly glanced about to make sure he was still on earth and some dystopian alien planet.

What _were_ these things? He didn’t know what on earth he was reading, but he had the distinct feeling that he would _not_ like any of it. Robbie glanced down at his watch. They only had so much time here and they were permanently behind as it was. There was no time to go somewhere else; he had to make a decision.

“See anything good?”

Robbie yelped, arms flailing in surprise. He huffed and glared at the flippy hero suddenly standing next to him. “Don’t _do_ that!”

“Sorry, Robbie.”

Was that a giggle? Whatever. Robbie straightened his jacket and looked back at the menu, eyes quickly darting to where he could see the word _DESSERT_ waiting and ready to bestow mercy upon his poor soul. Oh no. More sportscandy words.

“Uh…”

Strawberry shortcake. Banana pudding.

“We can go somewhere else if you’d like.”

Lemon cheesecake. Pine nut tart.

“Robbie?”

“C-can I have the carrot cake, please?” he heard himself ask the woman behind the counter. “A-and a soda!”

He tried to ignore how Sportacus stared at him as the young lady set out a paper pyramid with the number 11 written on it in bold print.

“Alright, one carrot cake and one soda. What si—?”

“Large!”

She blinked in surprise at Robbie’s panicked shout. “Uh, okay. And for you, sir?”

Sportacus fumbled his words for a second before quickly ordering himself a water and the panini that Robbie had been gagging over moments earlier. Robbie grabbed the bit of paper and shoved it into Sportacus’ chest.

“Go find somewhere for us to sit. I’ll pay.”

Sportacus looked concerned.

“ _I’m_ treating you to a nice _sp-sportscandy_ café. You got my snacks earlier. Don’t argue with me. Go sit.”

The elf smiled warmly. “Okay, Robbie,” he relented.

The girl at the register squeaked from nervousness as Sportacus took off with another flip, but any call of reprimand was cut off by Robbie leaning in and waving for her attention.

“Can…can I have a couple of apples with that order, too?” he asked at a near whisper.

“Uh…s-sure,” she mumbled, eyes still darting up to keep a close watch on Sportacus.

Robbie paid and thanked the woman before looking around to see where his date had landed. A bright beautiful smile and a waving arm quickly answered that question, and he joined Sportacus near the front window. The hero held up the small tented structure to catch Robbie’s attention.

“Number eleven,” he giggled.

“Uh, yeah?” Robbie mumbled in puzzlement as he took his seat.

“It’s funny!” Sportacus pointed to himself before gesturing to his date. “Number Ten and Villain Number One!” He held up their order number again. “Eleven!”

Robbie snorted and shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m on a date with someone like you,” he teased.

Sportacus gave a nonchalant shrug as he set their identifier near the edge of their table. “I was surprised you ordered carrot cake,” the man admitted. “I thought you would have ordered the mint brownie—”

“ _There were brownies?_ ” Robbie exclaimed, spinning in his seat and craning his neck to get another look at the menu while the elf snickered.

“Robbie.”

“You’re right,” he sulked. “The order’s already in anyway.” And there was no way he was going to be seen going up to that counter _again_ and ordering _more_ vegetarian nonsense. “I can just…pick the carrots out of it or something.”

Sportacus was giving him a rather tight-lipped smile that he didn’t quite understand.

“So, um…” To avoid looking Sportacus in the eye, Robbie picked at a napkin he’d pulled from the dispenser at the end of the table. “I…hope you’re having a good time, at least.”

“I am! It’s been nice being with you today, Robbie.” Sportacus cleared his throat. “I…I still can’t believe I’m here, to be honest.”

“Huh?”

Robbie finally looked up. Sportacus was staring out the window with a small tinge of pink on his cute cheeks, just behind his silly mustache. The hero turned to look at him and Robbie felt his heart drop into his stomach, overwhelmed by the man’s dreamy eyes paired with the loving smile that had taken over his lips.

“I…I tried to work up the courage to ask you out for weeks,” the elf admitted. “I was scared you’d say no so I couldn’t do it. I hadn’t seen you in a while and I was worried…” His smile faltered for only a moment or two. “I thought maybe you were having second thoughts. After Christmas, I mean.”

Robbie blinked.

“And then _you_ asked _me_ and…” Sportacus giggled, sending the villain’s heart into a bit of a flutter at the sound. “…it made me so happy! I’ve—” He sighed. “—I’ve liked you for a long time, Robbie.”

“I, uh, I know. You were kind of obvious on Halloween.”

“Sorry.” Those pink cheeks were turning red.

“N-no, don’t be!” He swallowed, busying his hands with his napkin. “I…I wasn’t really _prepared_ for it, but…it was nice. I mean, you couldn’t properly flirt your way out of a paper bag, but it was nice to feel…wanted?” Was that the right word? “I’d actually thought you were playing some kind of trick on me.”

Sportacus looked horrified. “I’d _never_ do that, Robbie!”

“I know, I know!” He sighed. “I just couldn’t imagine someone, especially like you, seeing me that way.”

“Wh-why not?”

Robbie shrugged and ripped pieces off his quickly dwindling napkin. “I’m a villain,” he said as if it were obvious. “I’m a grump and no one likes me to be around me. Not to mention I’m you’re _your_ villain specifically, and your total opposite in every way. Haven’t we been through this already?”

“If I wanted someone just like me, I wouldn’t have stayed in LazyTown as long as I have,” Sportacus said quietly.

Robbie looked up with a furrowed brow and a deep frown. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

The elf in front of him gave a tiny shrug while diverting his eyes. “I never meant to stay in town that long,” he admitted. “But…I really wanted to get to know you. I thought you hated me, and I thought I was okay with that. But, honestly, I just really liked spending time with you, even in disguise, and I wanted to see you be happy. Even if it was without me in the picture. I didn’t think you would ever like me back, so I stayed quiet. I…really thought you hated me.”

Robbie stared, napkin abandoned and forgotten. He blinked slowly while his mind tried to take in the mountain of information and sheer emotion that had just been laid out before him.

“That’s why I came up with Lawless for Halloween,” the man continued. “Lawless…wasn’t Sportacus. He could be everything I wanted to be and do everything I wanted to try but couldn’t. Like…like being a villain, and…flirting with _another_ villain, maybe.”

Robbie swallowed. “That entire fiasco was all just because you wanted to _flirt_ with me?”

He shrugged. “Mostly, yes. Is that…weird?”

He quickly shook his head. “N-no! I mean…maybe a little, but—” Robbie shrugged. “—Sometimes a little weird is…good.” He smiled. “You can’t flirt to save your life, though.”

The elf looked like a tomato again and he buried his face in his hands. “I _know_!” he moaned into his palms. “That was so embarrassing!”

Robbie laughed at Sportacus’ behavior, unable to believe the fearless hero of LazyTown was being reduced to a puddle of embarrassed mush just by discussing his over-the-top, could-you-lay-it-on-any-thicker style of attempted flirting. It was precious.

“Here we are! Wasabi-tofu panini _and_ a carrot cake with two apples.”

Robbie jumped in surprise at the arrival of the waitress and her small tray. She set out their food and drinks and was promptly waved away by the villain before she could utter another word so that they pair could eat in _peace_. While Sportacus grinned excitedly at the pair of apples sitting between them, Robbie huffed and looked down at their plates in scrutiny. Sportacus’ dish looked as healthy and gross as he has expected, but his own plate surprised him.

It…looked like a normal cake. There wasn’t a carrot in sight beyond the little decorative one on top that was clearly made out of frosting. Was this a real thing that they were serving at this overly healthy hellhole? Had he just been _that_ lucky and picked the best thing on their menu? Huh. Well, better not look a gift horse in the mouth. Robbie picked up the fork sitting beside the scrumptious-looking slice and dug in.

It _was_ real cake! Robbie smiled brightly as he chewed, already dipping his fork back into the fluffy orange-colored treat to prepare his second bite. It was moist, flavorful, and had a texture that he had never encountered before. It wasn’t bad at all, and the wonderfully creamy frosting was good, too. Thank heavens the cake was named for its color and not the awful sportscandy!

He glanced up to notice Sportacus watching him eat while they slowly chewed their own food.

“What?” Robbie asked, a couple of crumbs falling from the corner of his mouth.

“Is it good?” Sportacus asked after properly swallowing.

Robbie nodded. “Yeah, it is, surprisingly. How’s your nasty whatsy-toast-fu thing?”

“It’s very good! Just the right amount of wasabi.”

“Whatever that means.”

Sportacus gave a small chuckle while Robbie took a long sip of his soda. The hero watched him take a second and third bite.

“I was worried you wouldn’t like it, Robbie. What with the carrots and all.”

Robbie snickered. “Shows what you know, Sportsdupe. Just because it’s called _carrot_ cake doesn’t mean there has to be sportscandy in it!”

The elf blinked. “Uh, Robbie. That _is_ how it gets its name.”

Robbie stopped and stared.

“There are carrot shavings in it. That’s why it looks orange.”

All color drained from Robbie’s face. “What?”

He looked down at the bit of cake clinging to his fork. Little strips of orange stared smugly up at him. No. He brought the fork closer, squinting at the suddenly suspicious offenders. No. It couldn’t be. Robbie looked up at Sportacus for any semblance of reassurance that it wasn’t true. That the man was just playing some horrible joke and would start laughing about how silly he was being any second now. The elf just gave him a nervous smile. Robbie dropped the fork back to its plate, the bit of cake rolling off and slumping sadly next to the tines.

“It’s ruined!” Robbie shrieked in dismay.

“Robbie,” Sportacus sighed, not seeming to notice the few faces that turned their way in response to his date’s outburst. “It’s not ruined. You liked it just fine up until a second ago!”

“But it’s _healthy_!” he cried in distress, mouth agape and face twisted from the betrayal of his own taste buds.

Sportacus tried to suppress a giggle, but it burst out into a loud and lively laugh instead. Robbie grit his teeth and tried his best not to audibly growl at his stupid, inconsiderate crush. The villain sat back in his chair, arms folded indignantly over his chest as he waited for Sportacus to end his horrible teasing.

Sportacus finally spoke again once he was able to breathe properly. “Robbie, it’s not healthy.”

“It has sportscandy in it.”

“It’s still _cake_ , Robbie. There’s barely any sportscandy in it at all!”

Robbie glared at him and Sportacus reached across the table to reach for the man’s arm.

“Robbie, it’s okay.”

“You laughed at me!”

The hero looked a little embarrassed. “I did. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel bad.”

“ _Humph._ ”

“If you like your cake, you should eat it. It’s not healthy at all, I promise.”

Robbie stared down at the half-eaten slice sitting in front of him, beckoning for his return to its moist, sweet taste. He hated that he wanted it. And he hated the sad way the big dumb elf was looking at him. Robbie glanced up in surprise when Sportacus abruptly got up from the table. He gave Robbie a quick kiss on the temple as he passed by, sending the villain into a flutter of embarrassed whimpers and blushing cheeks. The hero returned only seconds later and handed Robbie a single piece of paper.

“What’s this?”

“It’s the nutritional information for their menu.”

Still confused, Robbie unfolded his arms and picked up the paper. He began reading as Sportacus reclaimed his seat. The villain blinked, eyes widening as he glanced over the page. He looked up at Sportacus.

“It’s that many calories _per slice_?” he asked.

Sportacus gave a reluctant nod, clearly trying not to frown at the thought. “Yes.”

Robbie broke into a giant smile. “Ha! You’re _right_! Sportscandy or not, this cake is a total affront to all things healthy!” he cried excitedly. “This is _great_!”

The same heads from earlier glanced their way again at his shout. Sportacus rolled his eyes in amusement and gave the café employees an apologetic shrug from across the room.

“Do you feel a little better now?” the hero asked hopefully.

Robbie gave him a vigorous nod. “Oh, yes,” he said as he folded the paper to slip it into his jacket pocket to keep as a trophy. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a beautiful, creamy cake to eat.”

Sportacus shook his head as he watched the man across from him once again dig into his tasty treat.

“I am still confused about one thing,” Sportacus said as he finished off his own meal and reached for one of the apples sitting on the table between them.

“ _Hm?_ ”

“If you ha— _dislike_ everything to do with being and eating healthy, um…” He twisted the apple stem to keep focused on something. “Why did you ask me out for Saint Valentine’s Day? O-or let me kiss you at the Christmas party? I thought you would hate me for...being who I am.”

Robbie had stopped chewing. Fork hovering halfway between the plate and his mouth, he watched the smile fade from Sportacus’ face. The fork lowered, clinking sadly against his plate. The usually chipper elf didn’t seem to notice.

“H-how could I hate _you_?” Robbie heard himself say quietly.

Sportacus finally looked up at him. He frowned, shaking his head ever so slightly to show he didn’t understand.

Robbie’s arms waved above his head as he shouted at his date, yet again gaining the attention of all surrounding patrons, who all seemed to be getting rather tired of the couple’s disruptive conversation. “You’re _perfect_! It’s not _fair_ how perfect you are!”

Sportacus blinked, unable to speak.

“You’re handsome, you’re strong,” Robbie continued. “You’re _relentlessly_ kind and caring and always see the good in everything and every _one_! For crying out loud, you somehow saw some sort of good in _me_ and…and I don’t understand why,” Robbie finished, voice growing quieter as he grew more self-conscious of his words. “You’re…wonderful. And you could have anyone you wanted and they’d be lucky to have you. Honestly, I’m a little confused why _I’m_ here.”

A soft _aww_ drifted across the café from tables unknown. Neither man seemed to hear it. Sportacus opened his mouth to reply but Robbie kept talking.

“I _know_ you said you like me, and what you think of me, and you don’t care I’m a villain— _for some reason_ —but still…I guess I can’t believe it.”

“That’s okay,” Sportacus said quietly, offering the man a smile. “We can both be a little bit confused together, then.”

That made Robbie smile slightly. “I…guess I could do that.”

Sportacus seemed to be perking back up as he took a bite of his apple. Robbie swallowed, all of the relief that had just washed through his system suddenly flushed away at the reminder of those apples. His eyes fluttered over to the second bit f sportscandy. That he had ordered. On purpose.

This was it, wasn’t it? Oh boy.

Robbie finished the last bit of his cake, savoring the wonderful taste while he still could. The villain reluctantly set down his fork, took a deep breath, and reached for the remaining apple in the middle of the table. He could do this. He could do this. He _had_ to do it. It was for Sportacus…for Valentine’s Day…to show the bouncing blue elf that he cared, that he was capable of some sort of compromise. Robbie was tough. He was resilient. He could do this.

“Robbie…?” Sportacus asked in surprise.

Eat some sportscandy; it will make Sportacus happy. That’s what the candy boy had said and Robbie knew it was true. But he didn’t have to like it. Eat an apple for Sportacus. Check.

Robbie sunk his teeth into the crisp piece of fruit. He shuddered at the unfamiliar sort of sweetness that squished through his mouth. As much as he wanted to spit out the healthy garbage, the man forced himself to chew. Sportacus, meanwhile, stared in shock. Robbie made himself to swallow before gasping for air. He shivered and tried to bring the apple again to his lips. His hand shook and Robbie found that he just couldn’t bring it any closer. He let out a sigh and let his hand fall back to the table.

“I’m sorry, I just can’t!”

Sportacus gently took the apple from his fingers. The man leaned across the table with a giggle.

“Oh, Robbie.”

The villain looked up.

“It’s okay. You don’t need to.”

“But…I…”

“It’s okay,” the hero repeated, pulling up Robbie’s hand to kiss it. “That was very sweet. I’m proud of you.”

The villain felt himself breaking into a goofy grin. His face was going to hurt so much come tomorrow; Robbie wasn’t sure when he had last smiled so much as he had today.

“Oh thank God,” he sighed in relief. “That was _fowl_!”

Sportacus laughed, taking a bite of Robbie’s apple. “It tastes fine to me!”

“You _would_ say that.”

“I _do_ say that.”

Robbie rolled his eyes in amusement. “Stupid elf.”


	11. Part XI

“That was wonderful, Robbie! I just hope that poor lady at the counter isn’t too overworked. Is it just me or did she seem a little stressed?”

Robbie recalled the hiss of panic the woman had given after Sportacus cartwheeled out the front door when they left. There was no doubt in his mind as to why the poor employee had looked so stressed out during their visit. He hummed quietly to himself in amusement.

“I think she’s probably fine. Just a problem customer or something.”

Sportacus nodded. “I hope so. I did leave  a nice tip in the jar by the counter, so hopefully that might help a little bit.”

“Yeah,” Robbie mumbled, only half paying attention as he looked down at his watch again.

The villain stopped in his tracks. Sportacus did likewise when he realized his date was no longer beside him. He turned around and watched Robbie’s panicked expression with concern.

“What’s wrong, Robbie?”

“Is it _really_ almost four o’clock?” he cried.

Sportacus glanced up at the sky, then shrugged. “Huh. I guess it is. We were in there for a while!”

No kidding! Robbie let out a soft whine.

“The train _home_ was supposed to be at quarter to four!” He yelped. “That’s two minutes from now! _UGH_! We’ve missed our ride home!”

The villain wrapped both arms around his head, looking like he was trying to shield himself from the falling debris that was his endless stream of villainous bad luck. Sportacus, a mild frown on his face, returned to his partner’s side to try and soothe the man’s worries and woes.

“It’s okay, Robbie. It’s not the last train of the day, right? We can catch the next one.”

“No, it’s— _ugh_ —that’s not the point! Not exactly, I…we _have_ to get back before it gets too dark! We...or we won’t be able…and it’s already…”

How could he explain that he had so many more things planned for their romantic evening together, and now no time in which to do them? Especially without giving anything away…he didn’t want to disappoint the hero, after all. This had been such a wonderful date so far—outside of the awful basketball and how sportscandy-covered that café was—and he didn’t want to sink things now!

“It’s okay, Robbie. Let’s just go back to the train station and wait for the next train, then. It won’t be so bad. It might even be fun!”

Robbie sighed. Maybe Sportacus was right; it wasn’t like he could rewind time to fix this mess, after all. Having ‘fun’ at the train station might be a bit of a stretch, but then again, Sportacus was entertained by the slightest of things. The villain let out a slow breath to focus his mind. He had to work with what he had, even if what he had was an already-sinking winter sun and a half-ruined schedule of events. He’ll just have to salvage what he could.

“You’re right,” he said at last. “Let’s go…uh…” Robbie looked up and down the street as it already began to fill with pre-after work traffic. “Somehow.”

Sportacus looked out at the herds of vehicles as well. Both men’s eyes followed the path of a taxi that whizzed by them a little too quickly. Sportacus made a face. Robbie swallowed nervously as a violent shiver ran through his entire being. They glanced at each other in silent agreement. Neither hero nor villain felt too keen on getting into another one of those deathtraps again any time soon.

“Which way is the train station from here?” Sportacus asked curiously.

“Huh? Oh, uh…” Robbie glanced at the street names and referenced his memory banks for a second. “Roughly east. A couple of miles. Why?”

The elf grinned and spun around, his back to Robbie all of a sudden. Before the villain could ask what was going on, Sportacus reached behind him for Robbie’s hands and pulled them forward to sit on his shoulders.

“Sportaspin, what are you— _Yeeacch!_ ”

Sportacus had abruptly squatted down and reached back to grab Robbie behind both knees. Suddenly losing contact with the ground forced Robbie to cling to the hero’s shoulders for dear life, grabbing desperately at his jacket and trying not to fall.

“ _What are you doing, you crazy elf?_ ”

The hero kept a firm grip on Robbie’s thighs, anchoring the man where he hung from his back.

“Going to the train station!” Sportacus laughed, voice bubbling in amusement as he gently bounced his date to make sure he had the best possible grip on the lanky man.

“Wha—are you _serious_?”

“Would you rather take a taxi?”

Realizing what was coming, Robbie whined and pressed his face into the back of Sportacus’ neck to mumble a string of nervous obscenities in pseudo-privacy.

“What was that, Robbie?” he asked teasingly.

“I said I hate you!”

The hero giggled and rolled his eyes. “Well, that’s too bad, then, because I really like _you_ , Robbie.”

Behind him, the villain’s face felt red hot. Robbie whined again and pressed his forehead into the crook of Sportacus’ neck. He shut his eyes tightly and wished that he was anywhere by here right now. Robbie had known he was afraid of heights, sure, but he suddenly realized that he seemed to have an acute crippling fear of high speeds when strapped to the back of an insane elf-man. And he’d thought _he_ was the horrible one of the pair. Oh, how wrong he had been.

“Hold on, Robbie.”

“O-okay,” LazyTown’s villain whimpered nervously. He didn’t have much of a choice, did he?

“Just let me know if I’m going the right way, okay? You know this city better than I do!”

Robbie whimpered pitifully in agreement.

With that, the two were off. Although he had been expecting it, Robbie still let out a yelp of fear when the insanely muscular man below him broke into a run.  He hugged Sportacus’ shoulders tightly, arms wrapped firmly around his crazy date as he was jostled, if only slightly, up and down with every step. His legs, likewise, tried to find security in tangling themselves around Sportacus’ stomach. If the hero minded at all, he—thankfully—stayed quiet about it. The villain hadn’t ridden piggy-back since he was a small child and Robbie simply didn’t know how to process the experience now that he was an adult. A tall, lanky adult that was easily towered a full head over the person currently holding him.

Storefronts and intersections flew by them on either side. If Robbie didn’t know any better, he would have said that Sportacus might actually be flying. The wind whipped through his hair, ruining all his hard work, he was sure…but part of him had to admit that the continual breeze felt a little nice, if a little bit scary. No, not scary. It was more…exhilarating.

Robbie allowed himself to open his eyes and see the sights rushing past them. He knew he should be frightened. Sportacus was running so fast, and there was so much going on in the city and so much could go wrong or jump into their path…but, to his surprise, Robbie found that he somehow felt fine. The rush of wind felt nice. The passing colors and sounds almost looked like some sort of stylistic painting at this speed, and Sportacus’ back felt so nice and warm against his chest. He felt safe with the hero there. He trusted Sportacus completely that what had seemed like such a terrifying, unthinkable idea only moments ago was suddenly not just enjoyable, but borderline relaxing.

Unable to help himself, Robbie let out a genuine laugh of delight.

“Are we still on track?”

Robbie mumbled some nonsensical syllables, clearing his blissful head with a shake, before trying to focus and actually take in where they were. He looked around at the passing scenery and took a few moments to get his bearings.

“Uh,” he said perhaps a bit too loudly, trying to make sure he was heard over the traffic and breeze, “A left i-in two blocks. I think. Yeah.”

“I can do that!” Sportacus yelled back happily before, somehow, picking up speed.

Robbie yelped and hugged the stupid elf tighter. It wasn’t as though Sportacus would allow him to fall, but the action still made him feel a little better. And besides, it kept him physically close to the hero. Sportacus, he realized, largely smelled of sweat and apples, and the two scents somehow managed to balance once another to create a mellow, calming cologne that was unique to the flippy-floppy hero. It was nice. Robbie briefly wondered to himself if it was a little weird, creepy even, that he was _sniffing_ his date, but did his best to dismiss those worries. He was literally on top of the man, after all; it wasn’t _his_ fault if his nose was barely an inch from Sportacus’ soft, beautiful hair. Stupid Sportatease.

“Now where?”  Sportacus asked as he made the appropriate turn.

Oh, right. They were still moving. Robbie sighed, his daydreams thoroughly interrupted, and instructed Sportacus on where to go from there. He didn’t have to give too many more directions, as it turned out; once the railroad tracks could be seen and distant train whistles heard, Sportacus was able to figure things out for himself. It at least gave Robbie a few more precious minutes to enjoy his cross-town piggyback ride in relaxing silence before it inevitably ended.

“Okay, now what?” the hero asked cheerfully as he carefully let Robbie slide off of his back and regain his footing.

Robbie couldn’t help but notice that the hero looked almost tired after all he had done. Almost.

“Oh, uh, right,” the villain mumbled before fishing their original return tickets out of his jacket pocket. “Guess we’re headed back into the fray.” Robbie gave a dramatic sigh to hide his own dread and apprehension. “Give me your hand and don’t let go. We’ll see if we can salvage these at all.”

Sportacus did as he was told. Both men couldn’t help but smile once the connection was made.

Robbie cleared his throat. “Well, uh, then…follow me.”

With help from an unwanted but necessary amount of pushing and shoving through the permanent crowd of Mayhem Central Station, hero and villain managed to find the appropriate service desk. Having missed their initial train, Robbie soon found himself arguing with the unpleasant man behind the counter about their current travel options. Sportacus had never really had to deal with customer service agents like this, so he didn’t fully understand what was going on for most of the conversation. He decided to squeeze in some jumping jacks while he waited for the two to finish their loud and animated business. It made him feel a bit more relaxed and, for some reason, seemed to keep some of the station crowd at bay while Robbie worked.

“ _Ugh_ , can you believe that jerk?” Sportacus heard Robbie grumble as he walked over to rejoin his date. “At least I didn’t have to pay full price.”

“Did you find out when the next train for LazyTown is going to be?”

Robbie’s chest rose with pride after his verbal battle. “I most certainly did! And we’re actually in luck; it should be here in just a couple of minutes. I got our tickets, so…we should finally be heading home soon.”

“That’s good,” the hero agreed with a nod. “I know it’s only been a day, but I kind of miss LazyTown.”

Robbie rolled his eyes. “It hasn’t _even_ been a day, Sportahomesick.”

He shrugged. “I know, but I can’t help it.”

Someone brushed against Robbie as they passed by. He shuddered and shuffled closer to Sportacus for comfort, hugging their new tickets to his chest. The villain scrunched his face in annoyance and took his date’s hand to keep the hero close.

“Be as sentimental as you want. Let’s just get out of here. It’s cramped, it smells like cheese, and I swear city people are always one step away from wanting to start a fight.”

“Robbie, that’s not very nice,” Sportacus reprimanded as the pair made their way to the appropriate platform.

“I don’t have to be nice to these people. I’m a villain,” he pointed out.

The hero rolled his eyes but didn’t comment further on the matter. Poor Robbie was clearly stressed, and he had already done such a good job being around crowds of strangers today that Sportacus couldn’t be anything but proud of him. Even so, he _was_ a little concerned as he watched Robbie slow deteriorate before his eyes. He hoped their train would come sooner rather than later.

The couple waited for their train to arrive, Sportacus showing far more patience than Robbie. The villain kept looking up and down the track for their train, twisting out of the way of passersby, and grumbling under his breath every time someone shouted or a whistle blew. The hero did his best to be supportive, but seemed to know that he could only help so much in a situation like this. Poor Robbie was uncomfortable and stressed and kept looking at his watch.

“It should be here by now.”

Sportacus tried to give the man a comforting smile. “It might be running a few minutes late, that’s all. It’s okay, Robbie.”

“It’s _not_ okay,” he heard the villain whine, sounding a bit more distressed than expected.

“Robbie, are you alright?”

There was a pause. Robbie looked at his watch again. “It’s getting way too late. It’ll be dark by the time we get back to town.”

“Is that…bad?” Sportacus asked, equal parts worried and curious as to what at home had Robbie so worked up.

The taller of the pair let out an exasperated sigh, his arms dangling loosely at his sides from sheer mental exhaustion.

“I had the entire day planned! We—we practically should have been _home_ by now!” he revealed. “By the time we get back, it’ll be too dark to…uh…” Robbie cleared his throat. “Do something.”

“Something?” Sportacus asked with a light laugh. “What kind of something?”

“Nothing!”

The hero rolled his eyes. “Well if it’s _something_ it can’t be _nothing_ , Robbie,” he teased.

Robbie gave his date a squinty look out of the corner of his eye, his jaw set.

“I’m just teasing, Robbie,” Sportacus said gently. “Everything will be fine. Today has been wonderful. You don’t need to do any—”

“But—” Robbie interrupted with large eyes and a drooping face, “But I _want_ to. I had it all set! It…it was supposed to be _perfect_ , I…”

Sportacus laid a gentle hand on the villain’s shoulder. “Robbie,” he said quietly, slowly to make sure his words were heard. “This has been the best Valentine’s Day I could possibly ask for. You have been so sweet and thoughtful, and, truth be told, I wish I had something more to offer you in return. I’m…not very experienced with dating, but I know you have gone above and beyond anything that I had expected. You don’t need to go overboard just to impress me, Robbie. I’m already impressed.”

The villain stared, blinking a few times as he quietly took in the elf’s words. When he tried to speak, he found that he couldn’t quiet look his date in the eye all of a sudden. But he cleared his throat again and tried anyway.

“It’s just, well...I’m not very experienced in this either. I mean, I’m a _villain_. No one wants to be with the bad guy. B-but, I knew you deserved the _best_. I just wanted to give you the best.”

Sportacus bounced up on his toes to deliver a soft kiss to the man’s cheek. “You did that, Robbie.”

The man frowned and shook his head, clearly confused. “B-but _how_? We just went to a noisy bouncyball game and ate some food.”

Sportacus laughed. “We did, but I had _you_ there for it! _You’re_ the best, Robbie!” He took the other man’s hand in his own to give it a gentle squeeze. “You’re my Number One. Villain or no villain.”

Robbie’s knees almost gave out on the spot. He reached out his free hand to lean against a nearby pillar as Sportacus simply smiled up at him. Sportacus held up their hands and kissed Robbie’s knuckles for reassurance. Robbie couldn’t help but smile. He felt his cheeks swell as the goofy expression took over his face and his shoulders hiked up around his ears in childish embarrassment over such an open proclamation of feelings.

“If it’s not too late for what you planned when we get home, we can do it. And if it is, then maybe we can do it tomorrow. Like an extended date,” Sportacus supplied. “Is that okay?”

Robbie found himself giving the too-sweet-for-his-own-good hero a slow nod. His smile only grew when Sportacus grinned up at him as a response. He loved how Sportacus’ silly mustache perked up at an angle when he smiled like that. The villain leaned down, able to sustain his own weight again, and gave his date a kiss of appreciation just before a shrill whistle announced the arrival of their train. He almost didn’t notice.

After a couple of seconds to mentally regroup, Robbie lead the way to the train. After taking care of boarding and finding their seats—Sportacus again seated on the outside so that he could appreciate the scenery—Robbie let out a quiet sigh of relief. Today hadn’t gone _exactly_ like he had hoped it would, but he had to admit to himself that it might actually be going a little bit _better_ than that, in a way. Well, that was unexpected.

The stress and pressure of getting home as soon as possible slowly ebbing, Robbie found his limbs beginning to feel incredibly heavy. The seats on this train were a bit more comfortable than the one they had taken that morning, too. The train lurched forward and started off. Sportacus’ comments about the scenery outside his window quickly followed. Robbie felt himself sinking further into his chair as the adrenaline and earlier rush of caffeine slowly began to dissipate. He hadn’t slept in maybe a day, true, but he couldn’t afford to fall asleep now. Not in the middle of his date.

Sportacus gasped in delight at the sight of someone walking a short distance away from the train with what looked like a veritable pack of dogs with them and he turned to Robbie to let him know about it. Sportacus halted his commentary when he spotted the man’s strong chin resting comfortably on their chest. Sportacus smiled at Robbie’s slumped form and scooted closer to his partner. He wrapped an arm around Robbie’s slender shoulders and let the man rest against him rather than continuing to slide in his seat.

“Poor Robbie,” he whispered to himself as the villain unconsciously snuggled against his shoulder.

He kissed the top of the man’s head, content to sit still for the duration of their train ride home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fluffy filler? Sure, why not!
> 
> Sorry this was a day late. Wanna read things earlier? Check out my tumblr or twitter to find out how!


	12. Part XII

“Robbie,” the soft voice gently cooed in his ear.

He mumbled something in return, though even he wasn’t entirely sure what it was. Something started to shake his shoulder.

“Robbie, we’re home. You have to get up now.”

Home? Oh, right…LazyTown. That was good. Wait, who was home? Himself, of course, but who else was—Sportacus! He was still on their date! Robbie bolted awake, nearly mashing his forehead into the back of the seat in front of him.

“Huh? Wha—where—I’m up! I’m up! I didn’t fall asleep!” he stammered, voicebox hoarse and still trying to recal how to speak properly.

Sportacus’ face slowly came into focus and Robbie grew aware of a hand lightly rubbing his back. He blinked a few times, simultaneously embarrassed and thoroughly discombobulated as he took in the sights and sounds of their train car.

“We have to get off the train, Robbie. You fell asleep. We’re home now.”

“Oh. _Oh!_ ”

Robbie jumped to his feet a little too quickly and had to grab onto the outstretched arm of his date to keep from falling into the aisle face first. While he might be technicaly awake, it was clear that his body was still reluctant to join him in the waking world. It took Robbie a moment to compose himself before he was able to shuffle out to the aisle and head toward the exit. Sportacus stayed close behind him and at the ready to jump in should his partner need any further assistance. At the end of the car, Sportacus slipped around the villain to hop down the stairs first. He turned around at the bottom and offered his hand to the villain.

“Come on, Robbie,” Sportacus coaxed as he took the man’s hand and carefully lead him down the stairs to the waiting platform below.

Normally, Robbie would protest such a patronizing action. Luckily, the fog of sleep was still obstructing his brain function just a little bit, enough that a guiding hand was probably a good idea. Not to mention his groggy state meant that he currently lacked the cognitive ability to argue the point anyway, even if he wanted to. As if to prove the point, Robbie let out a yawn. He was waking up…slowly but surely.

“Sorry I fell asleep,” he mumbled.

Robbie tried to stretch and pop his back without drawing too much attention to his actions. The cracking sounds of his weary bones gave him away anyway. He grunted and rolled his shoulders while Sportacus tried to ignore the concerning creaks and groans coming from the villain and his out-of-shape body.

“You were tired,” Sportacus said. “If you are that tired, you should sleep. It was good that you listened to your body, Robbie.”

The villain rolled his eyes and yawned again as they left the station.

Ahh, that stillness of home. After what had surely been a long day of boisterous noise and mayhem, LazyTown was finally quiet. The children were home, either eating dinner or already in bed, no doubt. It was just him and Sportacus, two crazy men returning home after an equally crazy day. Hand in hand. It was enough to bring a silly smile to the tall, gangly man’s angular face. Despite the slight chill in the air, he felt warm.

Though the sun had finally set near the end of their train ride home, the town was still lit in its entirety. Robbie looked up, blinking in surprised awe at the beautiful full moon hanging overhead. He had forgotten about the moon. In all his staring at his calendar in preparation for this day, he never once paid any heed to the small circle in the corner of the date. His soft grin quickly morphed into a toothy triumphant smirk. _Perfect_!

Robbie squeezed Sportacus’ hand, getting the man’s attention.

“Hey, Sportaloon, what do you say we take a romantic stroll through the woods?”

The hero looked surprised. “Really? This late? It’s almost time for me to go to bed.”

Robbie’s eyebrows shot up in an instantaneous panic, his eyes wide. “I-it won’t take long, I-I promise! Just a little something extra to finish off the night.”

Sportacus relented with a smile. “Okay, Robbie. It _does_ sound nice. I’m just surprised you would want to go this late,” he confessed. “Are you sure you don’t, um, want me to walk you home? You still seem awfully ,tired—”

“No, no, I’m fine!” he insisted, jumping in maybe a little too quickly. “B-besides, I’ve had this planned all day and…well…”

It was his date’s turn to give Robbie’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“You’ve worked so hard to make this Valentine’s Day wonderful, Robbie. I wouldn’t want to miss out on a walk with you. Let’s go.”

Feeling the anxious tension leave his body, Robbie allowed himself to relax back into confidence and begin leading Sportacus toward specific pathway into the forests surrounding the town. It would be a little bit dark once they were inside, but that wonderful, brightly shining moon meant that they would be able to _see_. Operation Perfect Valentine’s Date was still a-go.

Robbie hustled along the narrow path, back straight and eyes forward in determination. He had to make sure they came out at the right point, or else he would look like an unprepared fool. And after underestimating the length of that orangeball game nonsense, he was not about to let himself look that unprofessional in front of his date again. Robbie wiped his brow. In spite of the February cold snap that had plagued them the last week or two, his brisk pace was certainly enough to keep him warm during their trek.

Sportacus lagged behind, watching Robbie with a mixture of curiosity and concern. The man seemed to be on a mission, that was for sure, but this wasn’t exactly what the hero had pictured when he had agreed to go for a walk. Robbie wasn’t walking _with_ him at all, but…he _was_ walking. Was he trying to impress Sportacus with his pace, perhaps? Well, whatever his date’s motivations, the hero figured that he would figure them out in time. The way Robbie was starting to huff and puff a few steps ahead of him, there was little doubt in his mind that their ‘romantic walk through the woods’ wouldn’t be lasting too much longer.

And he was right. After only a few minutes, they emerged from the winter-ridden trees.

The frozen pond was more beautiful than Robbie could have hoped for. The moonlight gleamed off of the ice, as if personally inviting them to visit the pond’s edge. Maybe coming here after sundown would end up being even better than his original plans! The villain smiled in satisfaction and stepped aside for Sportacus to see the picturesque scene before them.

“Oh, wow. It’s so pretty, Robbie! This was definitely a good idea.”

Robbie tugged gently on the fringe of his jacket, trying to stand a little taller. “Naturally. _All_ my ideas are good ideas!”

The fact that this was partially sheer luck and completely thanks to Mother Nature’s generosity was beside the point. Robbie cleared his throat and started sauntering down toward the pond’s edge, heading toward a large fallen log. Sportacus called to him in confusion before following behind.

“Here, put these on.”

Sportacus felt something hit his chest. He looked down to behold a par of shining black ice skates. He looked up at Robbie for an explanation, but the man was sitting on the log, already taking off his shoes and replacing them with his own pair of matching skates.

“I…we’re going ice skating?”

“No,” Robbie responded, rolling his eyes as he laced his skates. “We’re going for a jog. I thought balancing on a knife while we did it might provide an extra challenge to make it interesting.” He looked up at the hero. “Of course we’re going ice skating, what else would we be doing? Now, sit down and get those ridiculous boots _off_ and your skates _on_.”

Sportacus did as he was told, taking a seat next to his companion and discarding his boots in favor of the, surprisingly, perfectly-sized ice skates. The elf was smiling now, practically bouncing with excitement over the prospect of doing something with Robbie—something _physical_ , no less!

Robbie, meanwhile, kept his eyes focused on his own laces as he tried to hide the nervous twitch in his nose. This had seemed like the perfect romantic evening this time two or three days ago, but he now realized that he probably should have looked up how to skate _before_ he took Sportacus out on their date. Oh boy. Well, there was no going back now, was there? He was smart; Robbie was sure he could at least stay upright enough to let his partner have a fun time on the ice.

Sportacus slipped the blue blade cover off his skates and stood up, offering Robbie a hand.

“Ready?”

Robbie bit his lower lip and gave a reluctant nod. He slipped off his covers and took the hero’s hand. His opposite arm flailed in the air as his knees knocked together.

“ _Whoa!_ ”

“Careful, Robbie,” Sportacus said gently as he gripped the villain’s hand and steadied his opposite shoulder. “No need to rush.”

He wasn’t _trying_ to, but Robbie decided kept his mouth shut on that point. No need to make himself look like as big a fool as he secretly was. If Sportacus just thought he was just being overzealous, then he was okay with that. Besides, once he was on the ice, Robbie was sure he would do much better. Balancing on a skinny blade while still on land simply was not natural.

The pair made their way down to the edge of the pond. Robbie was far more wobbly than his partner, but the hero didn’t seem to notice. Mindful of the thin ice at the edge, Sportacus helped Robbie onto the pond’s solid surface. LazyTown’s hero took to the ice as though his mother was a penguin, but his villain seemed to be more of camel decent. Robbie held out his arms to keep his balance. Ice skating with Sportacus? Check…sort of.

“ _Wha—whoa! Ahh!_ ” Robbie yelped, arms spinning as his torso swung forward and back in an attempt to reach some sort of equilibrium.

Sportacus hurried to his date’s rescue, grabbing both of Robbie’s arms and steadying the man.

“Robbie,” he said slowly, watching as the villain took a couple of baby steps toward him. “Have you ever been ice skating before?”

Robbie’s scrunched up face told him all he needed to know.

“Here, let me teach you,” Sportacus said with a gentle smile.

“I, uh…are you sure?” was all Robbie could manage to get out.

“Of course! Ice skating is fun.”

Robbie sighed and shuffled forward, trying to keep up with Sportacus inching backwards. Clearly, the elf was trying to coax him into action, and he didn’t much care for it at the moment.

“It’s not very romantic to have to teach your stupid date,” the villain grumbled under his breath. “Especially if it’s _his_ idea to go ice skating in the first place…”

“Don’t say that, Robbie. It’s okay no to know something. It’ll be fun to show you.”

Robbie tried to protest, but the hero was already setting his own plan into motion. Sportacus made sure that Robbie was steady on his feet, then released the man so that he could better demonstrate the basic movements of skating. Robbie held his arms out to his sides—clearly not trusting himself to stay vertical without Sportacus’ help—and watched. After the brief explanation, Sportacus returned to his villain’s side.

“Okay, Robbie. Now you try. I’ll be right here if you need me.”

He bit his lip, took a deep breath, and shifted his weight as much as he dared. Pushing with one leg, he let himself glide a few inches forward on the other. Sportacus beamed.

“That’s it, Robbie! Just like that. Keep going!”

He tried again. He swayed a little, but not as terribly as he had been. Even so, Sportacus held out a ready arm in case Robbie wanted to grab something for support. Or reassurance, whatever the case may be.

“Good job. See, you can do it.”

“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Robbie mumbled with a frown while he tried to scoot himself forward another few inches.

Sportacus didn’t seem to pick up on his date’s sullen attitude. “I am! It is nice spending time with you, Robbie. You’re doing so well!”

“For a newborn horse, maybe.”

“Foals learn how to walk very quickly, Robbie—just like you. Just keep working at it and you’ll be skating like a pro in no time!”

“Oh, sure. Let’s just sign me up for the Olympics right now,” was the grumbled response.

“Oh, Robbie.”

Sportacus continued to encourage him, and Robbie continued to make progress. It wasn’t long before Robbie felt confident enough to skate a few more feet away from his partner, grinning from ear to ear when he managed to turn all by himself without a single wibble or wobble.

“See, Robbie, I knew you could do it! You’re a natural!”

“Of course I am!” the villain boasted, suddenly proud of his skill rather than defeated by personal anxieties. “Did you expect any different from the Number One Villain of LazyTown?”

Sportacus chuckled, coming out of his most recent spin and gliding toward his date. “Of course not! I knew you would be fantastic if you just worked at it. I’m very proud of you, Robbie.”

That made Robbie’s face grow warm against the chilled air. He was glad that there was only so much light this late in the evening so that he couldn’t further embarrass himself by letting Sportaskate see him blushing like an awkward, lovesick teenager. While the hero’s praise and encouragement were—secretly—welcomed and made Robbie feel important, even cherished, Robbie wouldn’t dare admit it aloud. At least, not yet. As much as he adored Sportacus and valued his opinion, a first date wasn’t quite the point at which Robbie was willing to open himself to that extent. Maybe one day.

“Wh-what are you doing?” the villain asked nervously as the slidey-skatey elf glided over to his side, suddenly very close.

“I’m ice skating with a very handsome villain,” he teased.

“I, uh…oh.”

Sportacus let out a small giggle. “Thank you for taking me here, Robbie. This is nice. I can see why you were so eager to get home now.”

Robbie tried and failed to hide his giant, goofy smile. “Yes, well, I, uh…”

“Thank you for skating with me, Robbie.”

The villain felt pleasantly warm. “Y-you’re welcome, Sporta—er, Sportacus.”

Sportacus’s happy face was brighter than the reflected light of the gorgeous full moon overhead. Robbie loved it, and let his arm gently brush against the elf’s, just to feel how close they were.

“I am very glad that you asked me out, Robbie. Thank you. This day has…it’s been more than I could have ever hoped for. I wouldn’t trade it for anything in the world.”

Robbie’s mind recounted the day’s events. The train ride, the game, the café, the run…at the time it had all felt like a giant, stressful mess. Moving from one event to the next, making sure everything was perfect for his hero, keeping his meticulously planned schedule despite all of the hiccups and unpleasant healthfulness. And yet, in hindsight, Robbie found that he looked back on the day with fondness, too. In spite of the healthiness and activeness strewn throughout the exhausting day, he had largely enjoyed himself and his time with Sportacus. On their first date. Their Valentine’s Date.

 “It _has_ been a good day,” Robbie agreed warmly.

Sportacus gave him a quick kiss on his cheek before veering off again, putting a few feet of space between them so he could perform a few more students for Robbie to admire, which he most certainly did. The tall man let out a soft sigh as he watched Sportacus spun about on his skates. Robbie drifted along, watching the beautiful blue athlete show off his tricks.

For all its nonsense, the day had been perfect. Robbie doubted that there was anything that could ruin such a wonderful date at this point. He had made it. _They_ had made it. Their first Saint Valentine’s Day together as a couple and, hopefully, the first of many more to come. It was hard to believe that he once hated the hero and everything that Sportacus stood for. Well, maybe not _that_ hard, considering his ongoing personal vendetta against anything healthy. Still, it was funny to think that he and the blue jumping bean used to be enemies. Now, Robbie didn’t think he could stand a LazyTown without its resident hero. He hummed contently at the state of things; yes, they had gotten off to a rocky start, but this beautiful ending was more than worth all the trouble. Robbie skated further, gaining confidence as he went. He was happy. Truly, honestly happy. And his date with Sportacus was officially a success.

_Crack—_

Robbie only had just enough time to process the sound of something shattering, and a series of shrill beeps that was quickly followed by someone loudly shouting his name. The world disappeared, quickly replaced by an enveloping feeling of sharp, icy knives diving into every inch of his skin as he plunged into the dark, frigid water below. His arms thrashed through the heavy, painful liquid as he whipped around to try and figure out what had just happened. Something collided with the side of his head and the already dark world around Robbie went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Almost done!
> 
> It's only taken me, what, almost half a year? -_-  
> Check my tumblr or twitter for updates--there's a lot of insanity in the works atm


	13. Part XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well that was a long Valentine's Day...it's almost like it's lasted a few months or somthing...

The first thing he became aware of was how warm he felt. That was…weird. Hadn’t he just been freezing cold a moment ago, or had that been a dream? Where was he? He slowly came to realize that there was a soft, quiet voice speaking. He tried to concentrate as much as his fragmented mind would currently allow.

“—out the light, and went to bed. She dreamed of black shapes that slid from place to place, avoiding the light, until they were all gathered together under the moon. Little black shapes with little red eyes and sharp yellow teeth. They started to sing. _We are small but we are many. We were here before you rose. We will be here when you fall._ Their voices were high and whispering and… _R-Robbie_? Robbie, are you awake?”

Slowly, the villain opened his eyes. The world began to come into focus once again and Robbie found he was able to start piecing together the fragments of where he was thanks to the familiar sights that surrounded him. He was home, back in his lair. Out of the corner of his eye he could see the welcoming orange fluff of his favorite chair. A large, thick blanket he did not recognize was tightly wrapped around both himself and another figure. He blinked, finally realizing that the person beside him was the source of the heat that he felt. Oh, they were warm. So nice and warm, and they smelled of sweet apples and a lingering hint of sweat. Wait. He…he knew that scent.

“Sp-Sportakook?”

The body beside him relaxed, a deep sigh of relief leaving it after Robbie’s hoarse words were uttered. Something pressed against his back—an arm, he soon realized. Robbie let his cheek rest upon the warm surface underneath him, feeling secure in Sportacus’ embrace.

“Oh, Robbie, I was so worried.”

“What…what happened?” He squeezed his eyes shut for a few seconds, as though he was trying to reset his own brain like a broken so it could function more efficiently.

“You fell through the ice.”

Oh. Oh, yeah…

“I’m sorry, Robbie, I should have been paying closer attention. It’d been getting warmer for the last day or two and I should have realized…”

“Why aren’t I wet?”

Robbie pulled away from the hero ever so slightly, just to get his bearings, and finally took the time to look down at the state of himself. What he saw was mostly just a thick cocoon of blanket. Feeling an alien weight on his right arm, Robbie worked the limb free for a better look. One of Sportacus’ bracers was firmly attached to his forearm, faintly blinking away as a small screen on its open panel recorded some sort of readout he couldn’t fully understand yet. What was more pressing, though, was that the bracer was _all_ that was on his arm. His eyes widened.

“Where are my _clothes_?” Robbie demanded in an instinctual panic, quickly feeling his bare chest, stomach, and more.

“I, well,” came Sportacus’ delayed reply. “I had to get them off of you, Robbie. You were soaking wet. Y-you would have frozen to death if I didn’t ta—”

It was somewhere in the middle of Sportacus’ timid explanation that Robbie came to realize that he had only noticed the first half of his current revelation. In his efforts to shrink away under the blanket from embarrassment and shock, he realized something about _why_ Sportacus felt so warm beside him. Robbie’s fingertips tapped his living heat source. What color he had managed to regain after his brush with death suddenly left him. A few more taps. Then, to make sure, Robbie dared to press his entire palm against the wall of elf sitting with him. Sportacus wasn’t wearing a shirt.

In a blind panic, Robbie kept patting and tapping, searching desperately for any bit of clothing. He was wrong. He had to be wrong! But no…pecs, collar bone, more pecs, abs, so many abs…oh dear.

“Robbie!” Sportacus’ voice usually didn’t get that high.

Robbie gripped the sides of his face in horror and closed his eyes, muttering a frenzied string of “oh God”s, “We can’t be”s, and “Our first _date_!”

“Robbie, Robbie, calm down. Please, calm down?”

The villain almost couldn’t hear Sportacus’ words over the sound of the beeping crystal. Using the familiar tone to ground himself, Robbie settled himself into a whimper and, suddenly feeling _very_ warm, forced himself to look Sportacus in the eyes. His gaze made it to the hero’s mustache, but refused to go any higher. The beeping slowly subsided.

“Why?” was all the villain managed to squeak.

Sportacus’ caring hold briefly tightened around him.

“I’m sorry, Robbie. I needed to get you warmed up. Skin to skin contact is the best way to do it. I…I didn’t want to lose you…”

The pair was quiet for a few moments, each of them stewing in their own thoughts. Robbie managed to swallow and forced himself to break the silence.

“Y-you pulled me out?”

He could see Sportacus’ chin nod.

“You brought me home?”

Another nod.

“And then you…uh…”

The chin moved as Sportacus looked away. “Yes. I-I’m sorry. I didn’t have a choice. I knew you wouldn’t like it, but...”

“S-so you saved me,” Robbie quietly interrupted. “Y-you saved my life.”

The chin turned back toward him again. “I had to.”

“Because you’re a hero,” Robbie supplied automatically.

“Because I really care about you, Robbie,” his partner corrected. “I…I was so scared when you disappeared.” Sportacus took a deep, steadying breath and Robbie’s brows knit together at the sound of the hero’s voice cracking ever so slightly. “And when you hit your head on the ice, I…I thought the worst. I tried to warm you, but you wouldn’t wake up and…and I didn’t know what else to do.”

“S…so you started spouting nonsense?” the villain inquired.

“Wh-what?”

“I woke up and you were talking about singing shapes…?”

Sportacus’ pale lips suddenly broke into a smile and Robbie managed to find the courage to lift his gaze a little higher.

“I was reading…to you,” the elf admitted.

Sportacus held up an old, worn book. Robbie immediately recognized it as the one that the hero had given him as part of his Christmas present. He suddenly felt a pang of guilt that he hadn’t yet opened it to read it himself. Sportacus looked a little embarrassed.

“There wasn’t much I could do b-but wait and hope that you would wake up soon. So I thought m-maybe reading to you might help…bring you back.”

Robbie felt a strange pain in his chest that he couldn’t quite name. He stared at the book, watching as Sportacus set it down on his side table. The villain gasped in a sudden panic.

“Where’s Peppermint?”

Sportacus’s wide eyes were filled with confused concern. “What?”

“Peppermint, where is he?”

“Robbie, who’s—?”

“My reindeer! My—the reindeer you made for me! Where is he? I left him right here, I swear I did!”

Robbie instinctually looked down for his toy, as he was sitting in his chair, but quickly covered his eyes again in shame. He had seen nothing but blanket, of course, but it was the principle of the thing.

“Oh! Oh, I…it’s okay, Robbie. It’s right here—”

Robbie grabbed for the plush animal the moment that Sportacus produced it from where he had stashed the item between himself and the arm of the chair. The villain immediately pulled his inanimate companion to his chest and let out a sigh of relief, tears managing to form at the corners of his eyes. Sportacus watched in muted awe for a few seconds before enveloping the both of them in a hug. After a while, Robbie seemed to realize how juvenile his display must appear, and promptly tried to bury Peppermint within the confines of their monstrous blanket.

“Sorry.”

Sportacus only smiled. “You don’t need to be sorry, Robbie. It’s actually…nice to know that you like it so much. I was actually a little worried that you might have thought that it was too silly a present.”

“N-no. I…really like Peppermint. She’s helped a lot, actually,” the villain admitted softly.

Both men’s cheeks felt a bit warm as they fell into silence for a minute or so. Eventually, Robbie let go of the sigh that had been building in his chest.

“I’m sorry for ruining our date.”

The hero’s face twisted into a bewildered frown at the sound of his words. “What do you mean?”

The villain cocked an eyebrow before vaguely referring to their current situation. Robbie glanced away only briefly when he spotted the blush trying to creep across the athlete’s face.

“You never need to apologize for having an accident, Robbie. If anything, _I_ should be apologizing for allowing it to happen in the first place. But, even so, this didn’t ruin our date at all. I’m just glad that you’re okay. That’s all that matters.”

“B-but—” Robbie couldn’t seem to put his muddled thoughts into coherent words for a few seconds. “I almost _died_! How does that _not_ ruin it?”

Robbie shuddered at the heaviness of his own words. Suddenly, not getting to the last of his evening plans didn’t feel quite so important. Sportacus uttered a light chuckle and raised a bracerless arm so that he could brush aside a few of Robbie’s free-hanging curls from his forehead.

“Well, for two reasons. Firstly, you are awake and well enough to yell and be back to your villainous self. And, secondly, everything that came before the accident was still wonderful and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

Robbie twitched his nose and lightly chewed on his lip, trying to come up with some sort of pessimistic retort to Sportacus’ far-too-kind words. The abrupt yawn that escaped the hero’s lips, however, quickly distracted him from the task.

“Wh-what time is it?” he asked.

Sportacus gave his partner a sheepish look. “Around nine-thirty I think?”

Robbie blinked a few times. “But! You—how…you always, er…how are you still _conscious_ this late?”

The hero gave him a small shrug before answering. “I was worried about you. I needed to make sure that you were okay. I…really _was_ scared, Robbie.”

Sportacus’s eyes were a little red as he spoke. He breathed in, held it for a moment, and slowly let the air out, clearly trying to steady himself. Not knowing how to take such a blatant offering of raw emotion, Robbie did his best to push the sentiment aside and backtrack their conversation.

“Well, I’m awake and dandy now. I guess you can, uh, go and sleep off everything like it—”

His words were interrupted with an authoritative shake of Sportacus’ head.

“No, Robbie. You were unconscious. I need to make _sure_ you’re completely recovered before I can even _think_ about going to bed for the night!”

Robbie shifted uncomfortably, hugging his reindeer to his bare chest. Oh yeah… _bare_ chest. That reminder just made him even more uncomfortable. The villain tried to subtly shift back away from the equally nude Sportacus.

“So, what?” the taller of the pair asked slowly. “Are you just gonna stay and watch _me_ sleep then, because it seems you’ve been making a habit of that today—”

“ _No!_ ”

Sportacus’ sudden and startlingly loud reply made Robbie jump. He grabbed at the edge of the blanket to make sure everyone and everything stayed as covered up as possible.

“I mean…no,” Sportacus relented with a sigh. “You can’t go to sleep either, Robbie. It could be dangerous.”

The town villain made a face, the edges of his mouth turning down in clear disapproval at such a notion.

“Sleep?” he asked skeptically. “ _Dangerous_?”

Sportacus nodded, looking a little worried. “Yes. You…you were unconscious, Robbie. Underwater. That’s why I was so scared you wouldn’t wake up an-and why I had to put my bracer on you, to make sure you weren’t in danger anymore. Even though you’re out of the water now, I have to make sure that your lungs don’t still think they’re underwater and…fill with fluid.” The elf swallowed nervously, his brows knit together and his jaw tight. “I don’t want to risk you still drowning just because I am a little sleepy.”

Robbie was stunned into silence. Was the hero trying to tell him that he could still somehow _drown_ …while on _land_? He shuddered just thinking about it.

“How, uh…how long until I’m out of the woods, then?” Robbie ventured. “Or, out of the pond, I guess, in this case.”

Sportacus didn’t seem to notice his companion’s attempt at lightening the mood with the poor joke. Either that, or he simply wasn’t in the mood to even acknowledge the attempt.

“A few hours. If something happens, I’m taking you to the nearest hospital. But, unless that’s necessary, I…don’t really want to move you all that much. J-just in case.”

His voice sounded so quiet and stern and Robbie didn’t like it.

“The bracer will be able to tell me if we need to move,” Sportacus continued, “But I’m hoping that we won’t have to.”

Robbie shuddered again. “Me neither.” After a short silence, Robbie grunted in frustration. He sighed and leaned back in his chair as much as he dared, given how close he was to his current houseguest. “I had so much more planned for tonight, too. Well, maybe just _one_ more thing, anyway. B-but it was a doozy!” The usually boastful man let out a sad sigh. “I…think I tried to do too much for one date” he relented.

Sportacus tried not to giggle. “That may be, but they were all good ideas, Robbie. They were fun.”

That just seemed to make Robbie even more upset. He groaned and hugged his plush friend closer.

“I…have a confession to make.”

The hero blinked, but stayed patiently quiet.

“None of it was me.”

Sportacus tilted his head.

“I…asked the brats for ideas,” Robbie sighed, eyes downcast. “None of my ideas seemed any good, so I asked _them_ instead. Is that sad or what?”

Sportacus leaned closer to give Robbie a small, comforting peck on the cheek. Robbie’s lips pressed tightly together in immediate embarrassment. The elf just smiled fondly at his date’s silly face. So much for hoping a little kiss might calm the man down.

“That’s not sad, Robbie. I think that is very sweet. It sounds like you put in a lot of thought and energy into making today as perfect as it was. To be honest, I wasn’t sure what to do for a date at _all_ , so…I was glad that you had so many things planned instead! I just wish I could have been a counterbalance for you to relax.” He gave the man a second gently kiss. “I mostly just wanted to spend time with you.”

Robbie’s cheeks grew pink and his matching ears started to disappear behind hunching shoulders.

“I just wish I’d been able to get to _everything_ like I was supposed to. But…I guess, all things considered, today wasn’t a total failure.”

Sportacus rolled his eyes and gave Robbie a teasing shake of his head. Well, Saint Valentine’s Day wasn’t _completely_ over yet, was it? There was still time. Maybe he could do something to help cheer up the poor man. Robbie had, after all, endured a lot of discomfort for the sake of Sportacus’ happiness today. He would help make sure Robbie’s dream of the perfect, complete Valentine’s Date a reality.

“Well, that was it?” Sportacus asked.

“What was what?” Robbie gave him a confused look.

“Your last plan for our date. Maybe we can do something similar here. I certainly don’t plan on leaving you until I know that it’s safe, and that will take some time, at least.”

Robbie was quiet for a moment, frowning as he thought that over. His nose twitched, his upper lip curling ever so slightly as he turned the idea over in his brilliant head.

“Yes. Yes, that might work,” he mumbled to himself, voice barely audible as he spoke.

Sportacus smiled, glad to see that scheming look back on the villain’s face. He tilted his head, trying to convey curiosity and tender encouragement simultaneously.

“ _What_ might work?” he asked softly.

“I, well…” Robbie gave a quick glance over to his work bench across the room. “Y-you see those over there?”

Sportacus looked up and followed Robbie’s gaze. On the table was a pair of what looked like…headsets? It was difficult to tell. The slapdash-looking items appeared to be a mish-mash of parts and looked like something between a welder’s mask and headphones. Sportacus wasn’t entirely sure what to make of it. Beside them sat a black box containing a few dials, switches, and a knob. A few thin wires seemed to be connecting everything.

“What about them?”

Robbie started to point at the mystery items. “We, uh…” His pointing finger drooped. “Oh…”

Sportacus shook his head, not understanding what was wrong.

“C-close your eyes.”

“Close my eyes? Why?”

Robbie huffed, his cheeks flush for the umpteenth time that day. “Because I’m _naked_ and need to get up, that’s why!”

The hero gave a nervous laugh before closing—and covering—his eyes. “Sorry, Robbie. Just be careful, okay? If you feel light-headed or anything, please say so.”

“Worrywart.”

In spite of his teasing, Robbie did lean in to kiss the back of Sportacus’ hands before he got up. Why did that make him feel so… _daring_?  He set little Peppermint aside and got to his feet. Robbie moved carefully, not wanting to expose the poor elf, especially not when he didn’t wish to be seen himself. Even with Sportacus’ eyes safety shielded, the villain immediately ducked behind the chair and out of what would be the man’s line of sight.

_Brrr_ —was his lair always this cold? He would have to look into wherever that draft was coming from.

He strode up to his disguise machine. Ah, his trusty scheming companion. It always seemed to know just what he needed. He quickly activated the device, spinning as the nearest tube was emptied of its contents. Robbie came to an abrupt stop and let out a sigh of comfort, glad to be back in his favorite attire once again. He straightened his short vest and played with a few keys to pull up a second outfit. Instead of spinning, this time Robbie stayed at a standstill, waiting with outstretched arms for the device to produce a very familiar-looking blue uniform. He hummed in satisfaction and headed back to the chair.

“Sportadelivery!” Robbie announced, dropping the neat pile of clothes into the hero’s lap.

Sportacus jumped at the mild scare and pulled away his hands from his eyes to look down.

“I didn’t steal them,” Robbie assured him with a dismissive hand. “That’s my disguise from…uh, a while ago.” He shook his head. No need to bring up their past _rivalry_.

“But…isn’t it designed to fit _you_?”

Robbie’s nose twitched. Drat. He’d overlooked that fact. His brain must still be rebooting after its brush with death.

“Well, we’ll…just have to roll up the pants a bit for now, and…hope that all those _gross_ muscles of yours don’t rip the seams everywhere else!” he said in a hurried huff. “N-now you go and get changed while I calibrate this thing!”

Robbie strode toward his work desk, leaving Sportacus alone again in the orange chair. He didn’t dare turn around. Instead, he gave the pair of shield-faced headsets a quick look-over and then turned to the complex-looking box. He inspected the display, humming in satisfaction as he performed a series of mental checks. Once satisfied, the man began to quickly turn knobs, flip switches, and punch in a long series of numbers on the inside of a side-panel. He finished his seemingly haphazard work just as Sportacus walked up behind him.

“So, what are we doing?” he asked curiously.

Robbie jumped, clutching at his chest and shooting the elf a disapproving look. Sportacus gave a quick apology and a meager shrug.

“You’ll see! Now, just…” Robbie’s voice trailed off as he looked the hero up and down. “W-wow, that really _doesn’t_ fit you very well, does it?”

Sportacus had to roll up the pant legs—a feat in itself, given the ankles’ split design—much farther than Robbie had imagined. His biceps were threatening to rip his shirt’s shoulders and now-stretched sleeves at the slightest movement. As much as Robbie didn’t want to see his hard work ruined, he had to admit that part of him kind of wanted to see that very thing happen. The hero hadn’t even bothered putting on the vest, as the extra layer clearly wasn’t going to fit and would be far more trouble than it was worth. He was barefoot, and Robbie realized that his boots might still be back at the pond. They would have to fetch the frozen things in the morning, then.

Sportacus gave a slow, calculated shrug. “I guess not. I’m sorry, Robbie.”

The villain waved a hand at him. “Don’t.  It’s…still better than walking around…well, you know…” He cleared his throat and turned away to gather up this things. “Anyway! You go sit back in that chair and close your eyes again! No peeking!”

Sportacus frowned, mustache twitching as his curiosity grew. But, he did as he was told.

Robbie gathered up his equipment. He followed behind Sportacus, muttering to himself as he tried to figure out if he’d forgotten anything. But, no, he was sure everything had been calculated and accounted for. He set the box on the floor next to the chair and sat down beside his date.

“Keep ‘em closed.”

“Okay, Robbie.”

After fumbling with the wires for a minute, Robbie let out a satisfied breath and turned to his date. Sportacus sat still, hands covering his eyes and waiting for him with an excited smile on his face. The look was just precious. Robbie hated to ruin it, but he gently pulled the hero’s hands away to set them in the man’s lap.

“Keep your eyes closed until I say,” he instructed. “And think about home. A-and I don’t mean your horrible ship. I mean your _real_ home.”

“Home?” Sportacus questioned. “Why?”

“No, no. No _whys_ , just home. Everything about it. What it looks like, how it smells, who lives there, what the weather’s like. _Everything_. Anything you can think of. Got it?”

Sportacus’ mustache twitched again. “Um…okay, Robbie.”

The villain waited a few seconds. “You picturing it?”

Sportacus nodded.

“Good. Keep thinking about it,” he said sternly. “And remember, eyes stay closed.”

Robbie untangled the wires from his headsets, unable to keep himself from smiling. The dumb elf probably hadn’t seen his home town—or, nest, or jungle gym, or whatever it was elves lived in up north—in ages. He hoped this worked. Carefully, Robbie lowered one of the headsets upon Sportacus’ crown the man’s face disappearing behind the attached mask. The hero jumped a bit in surprise at the feeling, but kept his concentration. Satisfied, Robbie settled in beside him and slipped on his own headset.

Almost immediately, the villain found himself surrounded by light, color, and the faint sound of faraway children at play. The little houses nestled in the hillside were all beautiful, as were the swaying flowers and grasses that seemed to surround every one of them, even on some of the rooftops. Sparse clouds filled the sky and, further down the quaint lane, Robbie could see humanoid shapes bustling about. He could even hear, nearer than he has expected, the sounds of what Robbie swore must be waves crashing against a shoreline that must be hidden just beyond the next hill.

And, in the middle of it all, standing beside him, was Sportacus. The man stood there, eyes still closed but with a questioning look on his face as his ears tried to figure out the phantom sounds around them. Robbie just grinned, partially at the success of his invention, but mostly in anticipation of the hero’s reaction. A night of VR fun? Definitely Check.

“Okay. Eyes open.”

Sportacus blinked in the sunlight. He squinted for a moment, frowning as his brain tried to comprehend what he was seeing. Slowly, his mouth opened, jaw slack with shock. He looked to and fro, spinning around. He grabbed at his own hair, frowning slightly.

“Ahh—careful!” Robbie warned. “Don’t take that off.”

Sportacus looked at him.

“You can feel the headset, right?”

The hero gave a slight nod of his head.

The villainous mastermind grinned with pride. “Can’t see it, but it’s there. And, uh, don’t worry. Only your arms’ll move while it’s on. We can go wherever we want and, uh, you don’t need to worry about flipping into any walls.”

“But…this… _how_ is this possible?”

Robbie tapped the side of his head. “Genius!”

Sportacus laughed, throwing his arms around Robbie’s shoulders. The villain yelped in surprise before the elf delivered a gentle, loving kiss.

“Thank you, Robbie! This…is amazing. I haven’t…this…”

Robbie could see the tears in his eyes and quickly tried to brush them away.

“Hey, hey…n-no crying,” he said, his tone soft and teasing. “I’m a villain. I don’t know what to do with people when they cry.”

Sportacus laughed, sniffling as he did so. “Thank you, Robbie.”

“I figured, if we’re going to have to keep each other up for the next few hours, maybe we should do something special. A private tour of your hometown might be a nice way to pass the time.”

Sportcaus’ eyes were practically shimmering with joy and excitement as he gave an enthusiastic nod. Arms still around his villain, Sportacus reached up and pressed their lips together. Robbie returned the gesture, his body relaxing completely at the touch, something he was suddenly very glad to have remembered to program into his machine. Their lips parted only for the pair to gently hold their foreheads to one anothers.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Sportasweet,” Robbie whispered.

“Happy Valentine’s Day, Robbie.”

The perfect Saint Valentine’s Day date? Check.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I FINISHED A THING!!!
> 
> So, what should I work on next?  
> Well, if you visit my Tumblr (same username), you can see how you can actually vote on that...


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